Journal-Spiritual Responsibility
Spiritual responsibility will differ from woman to woman; there cannot nor should there be one way of manifesting something as momentous and important as how we speak out truth. I can only speak for myself. For me, such responsibility is first accepting that my connection to spirit is intense in nature and important to me. Second, I must accept that my spirit connection is and will appear unique or odd to others. In this second point, according to my natal chart, is where much of my work will need to be done. It is my responsibility to take what I know and see and translate it into word forms that make sense to others; it is my belief that I have done much work in this limitation already but will continue to find tools that facilitate this. Third, it is my responsibility to hold fast to my vision of what spirit is for me and not allow myself to be swayed by fear or the exhortations of others. And fourth, I must continue to keep at bay the nagging voices that tell me that I have nothing of value to share with others. This is a hard one for me.
There are several ways that I cultivate my garden. One of the most obvious rafts is my connection to nature. It is in natural places that I find peace and serenity. I know that I am terribly out of balance if I cannot still the worries and appreciate the sights, smells, and vibrations of the outdoors, such interaction acts as a wonderful barometer for me. Another way that I cultivate my garden is appreciating the truly good friends I have. Their presence is important to my ability to remain centered. I have the sort of friends who will take me to task for not using the tools I have at my disposal. It takes a genuine friend to tell one that one is being a stupid-shit I also nurture my inner-sanctuary through reading and listening to music that takes my soul to beautiful places. There are also movies that serve the same purpose. I recently watched a movie called, Giant Step, which was extraordinary. The movie Baraka is similar in the power and beauty of the images and the ability to touch the soul. Responsibility comes into play here as it is our job to filter what comes into our realties as much as we can.
These nurturing actions are all simple in theory but sometimes difficult to execute. One of the main impediments to living more often and more fully in my garden is time. It seems that there are so many things the “need doing” all the time. Still, this is where the responsibility comes into play; I simply need to organize and make time. Money is often impedance—there is never enough of that either. Still, this too is an excuse; there is always a way.
I have come to realize that one of my biggest distractions to cultivating my garden is my preoccupation with intimate relationships or more accurately—my lack of one. It is rather embarrassing to admit that such a matter is causing me to be distracted from my path given what we are studying! However, after reading my natal chart and the discussion attached to it, I realize that my intensity is not limited to my spirit-connection but trickles out to most areas of my life. Why am I so surprised that my need for companionship and physical touch is equally intense? It is in looking at these different aspects that it becomes apparent that spiritual maturity and responsibility is as much about being honest about my own nature as it is about manifesting what I know outwardly to help others.
In connection with the intensity and need for a relationship there is the responsibility of deciding exactly how I want such intimacy to occur and what the parameters will be. Too often in the past, I have allowed the male partner to define the relationship, with sometimes—no—often disastrous and damaging results to me. Allowing such disrespect is the same as handing over one’s power and taking NO responsibility at all. In accordance with the readings, I have begun the process of reclaiming myself, my power, and resacrilizing my body and sexuality. I believe that this is a matter of responsibility that many women, even today, do not embrace, not fully at any rate. We have not come nearly as far as we would like to think. It is vital that women begin to take responsibility and be aware of the messages that they are being sold in this culture. It is time to re-own ourselves in all the myriad aspects of being woman.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Journal Entry
Journal
During the course of this module, I have begun questioning, even more deeply than before, just how much of what I think, feel, and believe about myself and my spirituality is actually mine. I am wondering how much of who I am has been shaped by the patriarchy, which infuses nearly all of our social institutions. I do not know at present. The ego self keeps telling me that I am a well-educated woman who has been exposed to new ideas, new images, and a new way of knowing the world and cannot possibly still be a mostly mindless product of the current culture. My soul is not so sure. I still catch myself buying into old ideas about appearance, behaviors, and self-worth. How can this be?
I have begun questioning whether it is possible to be truly authentic given the constant bombardment of patriarchal messages everywhere one turns, and more distressing, how does one know one way or the other? I resonated strongly with the quote from Georgia O’Keeffe in which she questioned her art: “Before I put brush to canvas, I question ‘Is this mine? Is it influenced by some idea I have acquired from some man?’” (p.318). Perhaps it is as simple as deciding that one has changed and is following a personal course separate from the common and accepted one. Still, this seems a possible road to a pleasant self-deception. Am I saying that we should just chuck it all and not worry about continuing the work of re-owning the Goddess and thus ourselves? Most definitely not!
My concern is that unless the Goddess enters into everyday mythology we can never really have a new way of perceiving ourselves. The Goddess must become as common-place, as interwoven, into the fabric of our culture as the male God to shift our culture into a more connected, more relational space.
The very fact that much of the artwork in this book is from the eighties and nineties and even earlier gives my concern some validity: where is the shift to the new iconography? I still do not see the Goddess portrayed in art very often, at least in mainstream culture. Where is she and why is she still not a part of our everyday lives? These are, I think, very crucial question to our survival as a species. I think that before the male iconography can evolve into more cooperative, relational images the Goddess must be omnipresent, in a word, accepted as just as important and valid—and just as common--a symbol as the male partriachial image. Until that happens, I feel that we will be fighting a constant battle with the culture and ourselves. We will grapple with the question of whether we are thinking in an entirely new way or merely being reactive to the male-dominated culture, which leaves us still in its grip!
Another problem that remains is that young women (at least the ones I am meeting) are moving farther away from the Goddess, for the most part. Many of them are still very caught up in looking, dressing, and acting in ways that are pleasing to men. If asked why they wear what they do, etc. they just shrug. They do not think beyond the billboard. The lack of Goddess iconography as a cultural norm is certainly a large part of this relapse back into compliance. I had an interesting conversation with a man in his late forties recently on this subject. He truly believes that as women continue to wear provocative clothing and act sexual they are reclaiming their power. Perhaps, but if they are not thinking past the magazines and pleasing a potential male, are they claiming power or just doing exactly what male culture wants and expects from them? I feel strongly that they are falling into the same old trap of compliance and subjugation—just presented in a more attractive package, one that feeds the ego and pseudo intelligence.
Of course, there are bright spots in our culture. The company that creates Dove products has begun a “Campaign for Real Beauty,” which features actual women of all ages rather than professional models. By promoting all ages, all bodies, and all appearances as beautiful in a mass-media format, they are helping to reimage woman. We, as a culture, are slow to learn and change. I suspect that because we are such a media and information-based society that such campaigns will be the most effective way to integrate images of the Goddess into our culture, but I think it will take some time. I have also spoken with young men, and I am encouraged. They seem to be looking beyond the television and magazine for their ideas of what women are. Perhaps with such widening of the cultural lens, the Goddess can more easily join the male God in shaping our future culture. I hope so. There needs be a shift to a gentler, more inclusive paradigm.
Men need the Goddess for many reasons. First, it is important for them to understand that women are real—flesh and blood with imperfections—not the slick, false images portrayed by the media. That understanding alone may help women stop abusing themselves to fit into unrealistic molds that damage body and soul. Second, men need the Goddess to show them that there is another path to follow—it may show men that they do not all have to embark on the hero’s quest to conquest and thus give them a new identity of what a man is. Perhaps as the mythology surrounding what “manly” behavior evolves and changes, there will be more room for the Goddess to be part of their iconography.
I do not think that this will happen overnight. There is still significant work to be done. I would like to see more exhibitions of Goddess work in mainstream galleries. I have seen some more recent work but the general tone has been one of cartoonish fluffiness. I would like to see some of the strong, moving work become well-known and part of our culture. An encouraging trend I have noticed is that the Earth Mother is becoming part of our iconography albeit mostly through advertisements for “green” products but with our media-driven society this can be viewed as a step in the right direction, at least.
Judy Chicago and Judith Anderson both create work that resonates with strength and beauty. Judy Chicago’s work resonates for me in the sense of joyful power it extrudes. I cannot remain sad or hopeless when looking at her work. She graphically makes the connection between Mother Earth and the survival of the planet. Her work also shows the regenerative strength and beauty of women. She tells the story of women’s pain, women’s experience. I feel powerful when contemplating her images. The images are also so beautifully, freely sexual in a celebratory, exuberant and healthy way; I want to love myself and others in such a way.
Judith Anderson’s work appeals to my love of Gaia. For me, this is the most direct path to my own power and grounding as a woman on this planet. Her work brings tears to my eyes; I am so moved by the images of women intertwined with nature. I particularly appreciate how often the women in Anderson’s work are crones. I feel that there is an urgent need for the Crone to re-emerge as beautiful wisdom in our culture, fixated as we are on youthful (and ignorant) sexiness. We are in need of wisdom now as never before.
Given our culture’s state of existence in adolescence, as it were, we need the Goddess’ wisdom and messages of interconnectedness, relating, and strength to help us move into cosmic adulthood. Until we leave the physicality and selfishness of youth as a culture, it will remain difficult to change the base from which we interact with one another and our planet.
Ideally, our cosmology would take the form of valuing all beings equally. To stop stratifying people, customs, and beings of all kinds would be an excellent start. Without the need to categorize, stereotype, and judge, a more egalitarian society might emerge. We would begin valuing relationships over material possessions. The Earth would truly become viewed as our Mother and care and respect of her would be common-place. Learning would be individualized and revered. All beings would be seen as our teachers and we as students. Would it be perfect? No, of course not; we are human with all the emotions and desires that go along with it, but we could shift our emphasis toward cooperation and relating more often than not. I see a cosmology of respect for all beings-sentient or not, male or female, old or young. Life would once again become sacred.
During the course of this module, I have begun questioning, even more deeply than before, just how much of what I think, feel, and believe about myself and my spirituality is actually mine. I am wondering how much of who I am has been shaped by the patriarchy, which infuses nearly all of our social institutions. I do not know at present. The ego self keeps telling me that I am a well-educated woman who has been exposed to new ideas, new images, and a new way of knowing the world and cannot possibly still be a mostly mindless product of the current culture. My soul is not so sure. I still catch myself buying into old ideas about appearance, behaviors, and self-worth. How can this be?
I have begun questioning whether it is possible to be truly authentic given the constant bombardment of patriarchal messages everywhere one turns, and more distressing, how does one know one way or the other? I resonated strongly with the quote from Georgia O’Keeffe in which she questioned her art: “Before I put brush to canvas, I question ‘Is this mine? Is it influenced by some idea I have acquired from some man?’” (p.318). Perhaps it is as simple as deciding that one has changed and is following a personal course separate from the common and accepted one. Still, this seems a possible road to a pleasant self-deception. Am I saying that we should just chuck it all and not worry about continuing the work of re-owning the Goddess and thus ourselves? Most definitely not!
My concern is that unless the Goddess enters into everyday mythology we can never really have a new way of perceiving ourselves. The Goddess must become as common-place, as interwoven, into the fabric of our culture as the male God to shift our culture into a more connected, more relational space.
The very fact that much of the artwork in this book is from the eighties and nineties and even earlier gives my concern some validity: where is the shift to the new iconography? I still do not see the Goddess portrayed in art very often, at least in mainstream culture. Where is she and why is she still not a part of our everyday lives? These are, I think, very crucial question to our survival as a species. I think that before the male iconography can evolve into more cooperative, relational images the Goddess must be omnipresent, in a word, accepted as just as important and valid—and just as common--a symbol as the male partriachial image. Until that happens, I feel that we will be fighting a constant battle with the culture and ourselves. We will grapple with the question of whether we are thinking in an entirely new way or merely being reactive to the male-dominated culture, which leaves us still in its grip!
Another problem that remains is that young women (at least the ones I am meeting) are moving farther away from the Goddess, for the most part. Many of them are still very caught up in looking, dressing, and acting in ways that are pleasing to men. If asked why they wear what they do, etc. they just shrug. They do not think beyond the billboard. The lack of Goddess iconography as a cultural norm is certainly a large part of this relapse back into compliance. I had an interesting conversation with a man in his late forties recently on this subject. He truly believes that as women continue to wear provocative clothing and act sexual they are reclaiming their power. Perhaps, but if they are not thinking past the magazines and pleasing a potential male, are they claiming power or just doing exactly what male culture wants and expects from them? I feel strongly that they are falling into the same old trap of compliance and subjugation—just presented in a more attractive package, one that feeds the ego and pseudo intelligence.
Of course, there are bright spots in our culture. The company that creates Dove products has begun a “Campaign for Real Beauty,” which features actual women of all ages rather than professional models. By promoting all ages, all bodies, and all appearances as beautiful in a mass-media format, they are helping to reimage woman. We, as a culture, are slow to learn and change. I suspect that because we are such a media and information-based society that such campaigns will be the most effective way to integrate images of the Goddess into our culture, but I think it will take some time. I have also spoken with young men, and I am encouraged. They seem to be looking beyond the television and magazine for their ideas of what women are. Perhaps with such widening of the cultural lens, the Goddess can more easily join the male God in shaping our future culture. I hope so. There needs be a shift to a gentler, more inclusive paradigm.
Men need the Goddess for many reasons. First, it is important for them to understand that women are real—flesh and blood with imperfections—not the slick, false images portrayed by the media. That understanding alone may help women stop abusing themselves to fit into unrealistic molds that damage body and soul. Second, men need the Goddess to show them that there is another path to follow—it may show men that they do not all have to embark on the hero’s quest to conquest and thus give them a new identity of what a man is. Perhaps as the mythology surrounding what “manly” behavior evolves and changes, there will be more room for the Goddess to be part of their iconography.
I do not think that this will happen overnight. There is still significant work to be done. I would like to see more exhibitions of Goddess work in mainstream galleries. I have seen some more recent work but the general tone has been one of cartoonish fluffiness. I would like to see some of the strong, moving work become well-known and part of our culture. An encouraging trend I have noticed is that the Earth Mother is becoming part of our iconography albeit mostly through advertisements for “green” products but with our media-driven society this can be viewed as a step in the right direction, at least.
Judy Chicago and Judith Anderson both create work that resonates with strength and beauty. Judy Chicago’s work resonates for me in the sense of joyful power it extrudes. I cannot remain sad or hopeless when looking at her work. She graphically makes the connection between Mother Earth and the survival of the planet. Her work also shows the regenerative strength and beauty of women. She tells the story of women’s pain, women’s experience. I feel powerful when contemplating her images. The images are also so beautifully, freely sexual in a celebratory, exuberant and healthy way; I want to love myself and others in such a way.
Judith Anderson’s work appeals to my love of Gaia. For me, this is the most direct path to my own power and grounding as a woman on this planet. Her work brings tears to my eyes; I am so moved by the images of women intertwined with nature. I particularly appreciate how often the women in Anderson’s work are crones. I feel that there is an urgent need for the Crone to re-emerge as beautiful wisdom in our culture, fixated as we are on youthful (and ignorant) sexiness. We are in need of wisdom now as never before.
Given our culture’s state of existence in adolescence, as it were, we need the Goddess’ wisdom and messages of interconnectedness, relating, and strength to help us move into cosmic adulthood. Until we leave the physicality and selfishness of youth as a culture, it will remain difficult to change the base from which we interact with one another and our planet.
Ideally, our cosmology would take the form of valuing all beings equally. To stop stratifying people, customs, and beings of all kinds would be an excellent start. Without the need to categorize, stereotype, and judge, a more egalitarian society might emerge. We would begin valuing relationships over material possessions. The Earth would truly become viewed as our Mother and care and respect of her would be common-place. Learning would be individualized and revered. All beings would be seen as our teachers and we as students. Would it be perfect? No, of course not; we are human with all the emotions and desires that go along with it, but we could shift our emphasis toward cooperation and relating more often than not. I see a cosmology of respect for all beings-sentient or not, male or female, old or young. Life would once again become sacred.
Story to Young Women
Story
I respectfully ask permission to tell this circle of women my story. I ask the Grandmothers and the young ones to allow me to share what I have learned about being a woman, the good things and the not-so-good things. Perhaps the young women amongst us can learn something that will help them in the future, but I suspect that each of them will have to live their stories through their own mistakes and their particular descents, sacrifices, and returns. Ah well, so it usually is. To begin:
I believe that the lifespan of my marriage was one long cycle of descent, sacrifice, and return with individual events that created their own cycles. The marriage itself was a cycle that took most of a lifetime to run its course and outlive its usefulness and to teach me what I needed to know to return home to myself. Truly, marriage is like the interlocking spirals of our DNA; it has a life all its own.
I married very young, too young. I entered into this most serious and holy union a virgin in the sense that my ideals, hopes, and dreams were still new and untarnished. I had not yet tasted the bitterness of descent of any kind. Like all very young women, girl really, I had a vision of a perfect life: the white picket fence, the dog in the yard, and beautiful, well-behaved children. My young husband was so handsome and all his words were just right and exactly what I needed and wanted to hear (and take heed of men like this….often there is little substance behind such perfection).
The first vague sense of uneasiness began to manifest itself into my consciousness about five years into the marriage. I had begun suspecting that many of the beautiful words my young husband had told me were lies; I could not, at that time, put my finger on why I felt this way. Such thoughts seemed a betrayal and so I pushed them deep down where I could pretend they did not exist. I decided to throw myself into being a good wife and mother to my two small sons. This seemed to me a good solution. I believed if I just became…more… everything would be alright. If I just completely “bought” into the local mores and dictates of what a “good and proper” wife looked like, acted like, things would improve and I would be happy. (A caution here young women: take a good, hard look at what you are “owning” and make sure it is yours to hold and not someone else’s.)
Living this way, not being true to my nature, and ignoring my need for mental stimulation, activities that challenged, and not allowing myself my more esoteric interests created a soul-deep and painful descent within the larger framework of the cycle of descent, sacrifice, and return of my married life, which caused me to lose myself for a very long time. The wise writer, Penelope Washburn, suggests that women need to retain a sense of uniqueness and autonomy to experience marriage with any sort of grace (p. 84); I did not have such inner-resources. My own culture did not teach such things nor would have likely condoned it. Women’s jobs were to be “helpmates” to their husbands and to raise children. My descent into depression of the truly dark, debilitating kind was a long one, and it was horribly compounded by the knowledge that I had followed my cultures dictates into a life I was eminently unsuited for. Depression and guilt were my constant companions; I went nowhere without them. Unlike Persephone, I did not have a mother who would descend to the depths and lead me back to the light and teach me balance. My poor, much-loved mother lives in her own Hades of unhappiness and depression. Who will rescue her?
Living in such a blind and dishonest way, I lost my soul for a time and had no path to follow. I looked miserable and felt hopeless. I lacked the courage to take my dissatisfaction and unhappiness out and look at them; I refused to accept my culpability in my unhappiness. (If you take nothing else from my story, think on the importance of courage!) By refusing to examine my inner-self, I began sacrificing my most essential being on the altar of “fitting in.” I believed, on some unenlightened level, that by forcing myself into a mold that hurt me, I was doing the “right thing” for my children. My dearest friend and amazing wise woman, Kelly, asked me at the time, “But, what are you teaching them about living life and about relationships by not becoming who you really are?” I was not ready to begin the ascent at the time; I stayed in the dark place of self-pitying sacrifice for a very long time.
Those years were dark and unhappy indeed. However, slowly, slowly I began the ascent to the light of self-knowledge and the beginnings of self-acceptance. Returning to school was the largest act of courage I had ever enacted and saved my life because at the same time, my life with the handsome husband was becoming increasingly difficult and soul-deadening. My suspicions about the pretty words and deeds were indeed correct: my handsome young husband was a pathological liar and classic narcissist. I learned that he was indeed young and would always remain so, at least in his psyche and mind; I realized that I was parenting him and not well.
It is an excellent thing (for me) that I was well into the middle of my ascent back to the light of my most authentic self during the last years of this long learning cycle because I was to be dropped into a new descent, sacrifice, and return cycle—one of those interlocking spiral events I mentioned earlier. The handsome young husband began acting strangely. He stayed out all night more and more often, something he had never done before. I would get angry and demand to know where he was and what he was doing; these confrontations resulted in his holding me down twice and forcibly raping me. He broke my arm. It was a bad time. I was suddenly and without warning evicted from my home and the business we had was lost. The husband was finally arrested and his drug addiction to Methamphetimes came to light.
I was angry for a long time about the losses suffered—too angry to see the lessons the universe was teaching me. Finally though, I came to a place of acceptance (I began ascending from the darkness—yet again) and began looking at the event without the emotional storm that had previously surrounded it. I discovered that I needed to base my self-worth on whom I was, not what I had. I had become rather arrogant in my material belongings; I preened. I was self-congratulatory about my large house, handsome husband (liar though he was); I had been taking much of my identity from things outside myself rather than nurturing the seed of my most authentic self and becoming that woman, that spirit.
I made much progress (but alas, not enough!) during those introspection days. I stayed with the handsome husband because I reasoned that everyone has flaws and things to heal and mend my own self especially. I realize in retrospect that I had not truly returned to myself by making the decision to stay with him; it was a fear-based decision and thus a poor one: I still did not believe in my own efficacy and power. Ascent and return takes a very long time, indeed, I think it never really ends.
The marriage was never the same; of course not, how could it be? I tried very hard to be more of what he said he wanted (see, young ones, how easy it is to fall back into descent and sacrifice—courage, diligence, and self-awareness need be always foremost in your lives!). I knew, in my most honest inner-self that I was telling myself lies this time; I could not remain in this cycle and survive intact. However, old conditioning urged me to continue to try. Finally, the handsome husband’s very young, Jamaican girlfriend called and released me from my self-created prison, and I was free to rise up and reclaim my light! I learned courage and the need to strive for wholeness. I began to wonder what a healthy relationship might look like (I have not experienced that one yet). I started to reclaim my long-forgotten gifts. I learned to value being alone and being more than ok with it and all this is only the beginning!
I see some of the grandmothers nodding their heads in recognition; my story is not original; it has been enacted many times, with many women, in many times. But, this is MY story and thus important to me. It is my wish that by sharing it with other women there can be some descents avoided and if not, and I suspect not—there is hope for wholeness and there is proof that there is a return. There is, I swear it.
I respectfully ask permission to tell this circle of women my story. I ask the Grandmothers and the young ones to allow me to share what I have learned about being a woman, the good things and the not-so-good things. Perhaps the young women amongst us can learn something that will help them in the future, but I suspect that each of them will have to live their stories through their own mistakes and their particular descents, sacrifices, and returns. Ah well, so it usually is. To begin:
I believe that the lifespan of my marriage was one long cycle of descent, sacrifice, and return with individual events that created their own cycles. The marriage itself was a cycle that took most of a lifetime to run its course and outlive its usefulness and to teach me what I needed to know to return home to myself. Truly, marriage is like the interlocking spirals of our DNA; it has a life all its own.
I married very young, too young. I entered into this most serious and holy union a virgin in the sense that my ideals, hopes, and dreams were still new and untarnished. I had not yet tasted the bitterness of descent of any kind. Like all very young women, girl really, I had a vision of a perfect life: the white picket fence, the dog in the yard, and beautiful, well-behaved children. My young husband was so handsome and all his words were just right and exactly what I needed and wanted to hear (and take heed of men like this….often there is little substance behind such perfection).
The first vague sense of uneasiness began to manifest itself into my consciousness about five years into the marriage. I had begun suspecting that many of the beautiful words my young husband had told me were lies; I could not, at that time, put my finger on why I felt this way. Such thoughts seemed a betrayal and so I pushed them deep down where I could pretend they did not exist. I decided to throw myself into being a good wife and mother to my two small sons. This seemed to me a good solution. I believed if I just became…more… everything would be alright. If I just completely “bought” into the local mores and dictates of what a “good and proper” wife looked like, acted like, things would improve and I would be happy. (A caution here young women: take a good, hard look at what you are “owning” and make sure it is yours to hold and not someone else’s.)
Living this way, not being true to my nature, and ignoring my need for mental stimulation, activities that challenged, and not allowing myself my more esoteric interests created a soul-deep and painful descent within the larger framework of the cycle of descent, sacrifice, and return of my married life, which caused me to lose myself for a very long time. The wise writer, Penelope Washburn, suggests that women need to retain a sense of uniqueness and autonomy to experience marriage with any sort of grace (p. 84); I did not have such inner-resources. My own culture did not teach such things nor would have likely condoned it. Women’s jobs were to be “helpmates” to their husbands and to raise children. My descent into depression of the truly dark, debilitating kind was a long one, and it was horribly compounded by the knowledge that I had followed my cultures dictates into a life I was eminently unsuited for. Depression and guilt were my constant companions; I went nowhere without them. Unlike Persephone, I did not have a mother who would descend to the depths and lead me back to the light and teach me balance. My poor, much-loved mother lives in her own Hades of unhappiness and depression. Who will rescue her?
Living in such a blind and dishonest way, I lost my soul for a time and had no path to follow. I looked miserable and felt hopeless. I lacked the courage to take my dissatisfaction and unhappiness out and look at them; I refused to accept my culpability in my unhappiness. (If you take nothing else from my story, think on the importance of courage!) By refusing to examine my inner-self, I began sacrificing my most essential being on the altar of “fitting in.” I believed, on some unenlightened level, that by forcing myself into a mold that hurt me, I was doing the “right thing” for my children. My dearest friend and amazing wise woman, Kelly, asked me at the time, “But, what are you teaching them about living life and about relationships by not becoming who you really are?” I was not ready to begin the ascent at the time; I stayed in the dark place of self-pitying sacrifice for a very long time.
Those years were dark and unhappy indeed. However, slowly, slowly I began the ascent to the light of self-knowledge and the beginnings of self-acceptance. Returning to school was the largest act of courage I had ever enacted and saved my life because at the same time, my life with the handsome husband was becoming increasingly difficult and soul-deadening. My suspicions about the pretty words and deeds were indeed correct: my handsome young husband was a pathological liar and classic narcissist. I learned that he was indeed young and would always remain so, at least in his psyche and mind; I realized that I was parenting him and not well.
It is an excellent thing (for me) that I was well into the middle of my ascent back to the light of my most authentic self during the last years of this long learning cycle because I was to be dropped into a new descent, sacrifice, and return cycle—one of those interlocking spiral events I mentioned earlier. The handsome young husband began acting strangely. He stayed out all night more and more often, something he had never done before. I would get angry and demand to know where he was and what he was doing; these confrontations resulted in his holding me down twice and forcibly raping me. He broke my arm. It was a bad time. I was suddenly and without warning evicted from my home and the business we had was lost. The husband was finally arrested and his drug addiction to Methamphetimes came to light.
I was angry for a long time about the losses suffered—too angry to see the lessons the universe was teaching me. Finally though, I came to a place of acceptance (I began ascending from the darkness—yet again) and began looking at the event without the emotional storm that had previously surrounded it. I discovered that I needed to base my self-worth on whom I was, not what I had. I had become rather arrogant in my material belongings; I preened. I was self-congratulatory about my large house, handsome husband (liar though he was); I had been taking much of my identity from things outside myself rather than nurturing the seed of my most authentic self and becoming that woman, that spirit.
I made much progress (but alas, not enough!) during those introspection days. I stayed with the handsome husband because I reasoned that everyone has flaws and things to heal and mend my own self especially. I realize in retrospect that I had not truly returned to myself by making the decision to stay with him; it was a fear-based decision and thus a poor one: I still did not believe in my own efficacy and power. Ascent and return takes a very long time, indeed, I think it never really ends.
The marriage was never the same; of course not, how could it be? I tried very hard to be more of what he said he wanted (see, young ones, how easy it is to fall back into descent and sacrifice—courage, diligence, and self-awareness need be always foremost in your lives!). I knew, in my most honest inner-self that I was telling myself lies this time; I could not remain in this cycle and survive intact. However, old conditioning urged me to continue to try. Finally, the handsome husband’s very young, Jamaican girlfriend called and released me from my self-created prison, and I was free to rise up and reclaim my light! I learned courage and the need to strive for wholeness. I began to wonder what a healthy relationship might look like (I have not experienced that one yet). I started to reclaim my long-forgotten gifts. I learned to value being alone and being more than ok with it and all this is only the beginning!
I see some of the grandmothers nodding their heads in recognition; my story is not original; it has been enacted many times, with many women, in many times. But, this is MY story and thus important to me. It is my wish that by sharing it with other women there can be some descents avoided and if not, and I suspect not—there is hope for wholeness and there is proof that there is a return. There is, I swear it.
Rite of Passage--Turning 50
Rite of Passage (or Turning 50: A Juicy Crone)
I do think it is one of the ills of our current culture that there are so few “official” rites of passage. The markers from childhood to young adulthood are so fuzzy as to be indistinct, which creates, I think, an extended adolescence. Without these markers, it is easy to stay dependent on others for so many things—money, housing, but most detrimentally—thinking.
With such an extended adolescence comes the fixation on youthfulness in our culture, perhaps if our culture had official markers the elderly would be revered rather than forgotten or even reviled. If one could pass into a “wisdom holder” stage with age, the value of all people might remain intact. I suspect so anyway.
Because I am working on accepting the aging process, and I do not love it at present, I have decided to create my own rite of passage when I turn fifty, which is only four years away. Goddess, but that sounds old. I want to approach the half century mark with joy rather than dread.
To this end, I plan to begin by having a gathering of women of all ages that I like, a party atmosphere with lots of laughing, talking, drinking, and eating. It need not even be my birthday. The purpose to this party is more of a send off: I want to go to India for a whole month and live in an ashram.
I do think it is one of the ills of our current culture that there are so few “official” rites of passage. The markers from childhood to young adulthood are so fuzzy as to be indistinct, which creates, I think, an extended adolescence. Without these markers, it is easy to stay dependent on others for so many things—money, housing, but most detrimentally—thinking.
With such an extended adolescence comes the fixation on youthfulness in our culture, perhaps if our culture had official markers the elderly would be revered rather than forgotten or even reviled. If one could pass into a “wisdom holder” stage with age, the value of all people might remain intact. I suspect so anyway.
Because I am working on accepting the aging process, and I do not love it at present, I have decided to create my own rite of passage when I turn fifty, which is only four years away. Goddess, but that sounds old. I want to approach the half century mark with joy rather than dread.
To this end, I plan to begin by having a gathering of women of all ages that I like, a party atmosphere with lots of laughing, talking, drinking, and eating. It need not even be my birthday. The purpose to this party is more of a send off: I want to go to India for a whole month and live in an ashram.
Letter of Initiation
Assignment D
Dear One,
Welcome young sister! Welcome to the beginning of learning of what a woman is. It is a journey of great strength and great blessings. As your body makes this magnificent transition from girl-child to woman, revel in the changes and know that they are good. This marker is just the beginning-point on a journey of laughter, tears, joy, and pain; it is life lived in vitality and fullness. Little sister, know that you are surrounded with loving, older sister-friends who welcome and support you in your becoming woman. It is this common thread of bleeding that connects us all with an unbreakable cord of unity.
Young one, becoming woman is about owning yourself and learning your strengths and your weaknesses. To be a woman is to be strong, graceful, and yes, forceful when necessary. It is also about setting boundaries with others; it is for you to decide what is acceptable to your woman-self. Let no one tell you that you cannot: cannot achieve, cannot create, and cannot be enough just as you are. Do not hide your womanly self, be bold, be strong, be gentle, be fierce and be love.
During your bleeding time, know that you are intimately connected to our mother the earth. Your blood is her blood. Honor her and yourself by giving yourself time alone to rest, relax, and meditate on what your life means and where you wish to go. Do not allow others to tell you what that means or how it should look or be; your gifts of language, creativity, and joyfulness will take you to the destination that you choose. Know Daughter that your very being is essential to the fabric of life and the world cannot do without you. Be your most authentic woman-self. Be grateful for your womanhood. Define yourself and love yourself. You are magnificent. You are perfect just as you are.
You are welcomed with love!
Lori
Grandmother Journal
Journey Reflection
Grandmother piece
While reading the material for the journey assignment, I connected with it in terms of journeys of the heart rather than to physical places. My thoughts immediately centered on my own life journey and those who have influenced, or carried, and loved me along the way thus far. While reflecting about the many sorts of journeys one can take, the subject of love came foremost to my mind and with that came the thought of my grandmother. My grandmother, Hattie, was the one person with whom I felt unequivocally, unconditionally loved. Connecting my grandmother and journeys really came about because the idea of love’s journey is symbolized by weekend trips to my grandmother’s house. Now, my Grandma only lived about twenty minutes away, so there was no actual “journey” or trip involved in a real, physical sense going there, but the difference emotionally was as if I truly went somewhere else. All this is not to say that I was abused at home or even unloved, but there was a difference in the sense of love and safety that going to grandma’s house created.
When I began creating the piece, I felt a strong need to use watercolor to create the figure of the grandmother in the center. The softness and blend ability of the medium perfectly reflected the emotional attachment that my grandmother and I shared. Whenever I think of my grandma, I see her quilted, pink robe with the crystal buttons down the front, which she wrapped around me in the cool, early morning. This soft pink color represents safety and love to me.
Underneath the “old woman, grandmother energy” my grandmother most assuredly had, there was and is (when she visits me) a joyful, playful energy. There is a part of my grandmother that is butterflies, hummingbirds, flowers, and fairies. It is this youthful energy that comes to me when I meditate, along with humming birds that fly into my “face” whenever I need reminding to feel joy. I draped floral, gauzy fabric around the figure holding the baby, who is me, of course, because that represents her essential being: light, joyful, and young. The stickers are the bright, incandescent type to represent those qualities.
I had little “choice” in this piece; it simply became. The piece symbolizes all of love’s voyages for me and what I wish to create in my ongoing relationships and future relationship journeys. And reminds me that life, attitude, and the passage through are what I make them.
Embracing Being an Older Woman
In a culture that reveres youth, aging is generally viewed with repugnance and as something to be avoided at all costs. The penalty for aging is particularly high for women in today’s world. Older women can be, and often are, viewed as unattractive, matronly, and worse: not seen at all. Matters are not helped by the media’s depiction of supposedly older women in beauty and wrinkle treatment advertisements that proclaim that “forty is the new thirty.” Whereas on the surface this appears to be a sort of tacit permission to age and that one can be sexy no matter one’s age, the reality is rarely do any of these actresses have any natural signs of aging whatsoever. Of course, the message is unrealistic and meant to sell products; and more insidiously dangerous, Kilbourne (1999) suggests that advertising is an active creator of society rather than a mirror simply reflecting the culture’s values (p.67).
However, more difficult to understand and to dismiss as unrealistic is the way advertising, the media, and the pursuit of beauty appears to have replaced religion in some senses. It might even be said that the pursuit of everlasting youth and beauty are components of the material religion. Kilbourne (1999) goes so far as to say, “Advertising is not only our physical environment, it is increasingly our spiritual environment as well. By definition, however, it is only interested in materialistic values” (p. 67). Wolf (2002) suggests the art and rites of beauty procedures have replaced religious rites in our media and youth-driven culture (pp. 87-92). Because the ideals of youth and beauty are so enmeshed in many aspects of the culture, it is difficult not to judge one’s self by the plastic versions of womanhood plastered on billboards and in magazines.
Given the often negative messages that middle-aged women receive from the culture at large, how do women no longer young and not yet old learn to accept themselves and achieve a sense of worth, beauty, and wholeness?
Perhaps what is needed is an alternative viewpoint that women can embrace and use as a means of transcending the cultural imperative of youthful beauty. For some women, exploring the goddess mythologies and most particularly the crone aspect can supply a different, more powerful meaning to being a “middle-aged” woman. The goddess mythologies provide a more in-depth and comprehensive view of femininity in all stages; the crone phase of the life of a woman does not have to be one of fading beauty, sexuality, or power. In fact, some comparative research by Sacks (1992) on middle-age women in various cultures states,
First and foremost, this is the time in which a woman enjoys her greatest power,
status, and autonomy. In some cultures this increase in power and status is gradual;
in others, there is sharp break with earlier requirements for women’s seclusion and deferential behavior. Second, both in societies that sharply oppress young women and those that have egalitarian gender ideologies, the freedom, prestige, and authority of women increases at middle age and comes closer to that of men than it did in earlier years. So, whether it is seen in relation to a woman’s own life or in relations to the lives of men of her culture and generation, middle age is a woman’s prime. (Cited in Ward, 2003, p.68).
With such modern emphasis on the exterior and the superficial, it is all too easy to forget that middle-aged women have much to offer: wisdom, beauty, and strength of character. It would appear that a balance must be struck between living within the culture and yet not embodying the culture. Goldberg (1991) sums this balance up,
Success means balancing out being successful in the world and getting caught up or
tossed away by it. Success to me is being able to handle it and got getting turned around by believing other people’s ideas about who I am—being able to keep it in balance and
keep my life in balance (Cited in Rountree, p.194).
Unfortunately, this balance is difficult to achieve for many modern women. The present, highly visually-centered culture gives women few meaningful roles and/or role models to help ease the transition from young woman to middle-age woman. Perera (1981) says, “We also feel unseen because there are not images alive to reflect our wholeness and variety” (p. 12).
Given the lack of realistic alternative versions in the public eye of what is beautiful, attractive, and acceptable, there appears nowhere to go but obscurity as beauty (as defined by popular culture) fades. Conversely, Ward (2003) states in times past and in some cultures presently, reaching middle-age or past into old-age was an achievement, one which imbued women with wisdom, strength, and power; women were the village wise-women, healers and mid-wives, and this was/is also the time that a women’s individuality is more freely expressed (pp. 68-70).
Despite the lack of roles to step into such as village healer or wise-woman, there are other means for transcending the media interpretation of what middle-aged women are and creating a sense of strength, power, and individuality. Such transitions often require introspection, work, and, ultimately, redefining one’s idea of womanhood at middle-age. Researching the crone in goddess mythology is one way to redefine oneself during the transition. Becoming a crone does not mean giving up one’s identity as a woman, only letting go of what no longer works or applies to one’s present circumstance.
In current imagination and present speech, the crone has been portrayed as hag, witch, or harridan—all uncomplimentary labels and meant to evoke fear. Silverman (2008, January 17) says that words such as crone or witch were once positive terms for older women who were leaders, mid-wives, and healers. She states that the Spanish Inquisition changed the meaning of these words to have negative connotations. Silverman also claims that a resurgence of interest in reclaiming the crone’s positive aspect is now present in our society (p. 2).
Embracing the transition from young woman to middle-aged woman necessitates accepting an ending of a version of one’s self but also acknowledging that one is still the same person in many significant ways. Bridges (2004) suggests while middle age often is a time of upheaval, transitions are not “(…) the result not just of new factors but of a mixture of old and new ones” (p. 40).
One of the new factors that some women face is the loss of youthful face and body that can seem so important for a sense of worth and sexiness according to much advertising and popular culture. Perhaps what is needed is a more “subversive” (Featherston, pp. 50-51) way of looking at the current culture. Featherston (1991) suggests looking at the “myths, traditions, and ideas that constitute normal in our culture, and questioning it, looking at it differently (…)” (p.51). Whereas the loss of acceptability by the standards of current culture does not always affect a woman’s inner sense of self significantly, for others it can be a difficult transition. Bridges quotes a seminar participant who sums up this dichotomy nicely, “’It’s the mirror that does it to you first, I think,’” said Betty on one of the final nights of the seminar. “’I still thought of myself as I had been ten years earlier, but one day I looked in the mirror and said, “Where’d you come from, old gal? What ever happened to Betty—the girl who used to live here?’” (p. 41).
As women are faced, quite literally, with evidence that they are no longer young or beautiful by today’s ever younger and increasingly rigid standards, something must replace the easy answer of face and body for a sense of worth. The study of various goddess and archetypes can be helpful in defining oneself as a still sexual, attractive, and powerful woman. Often what happens when one is transitioning from one archetype (maiden to mother to crone) to another is what Bolen (1984), says, “[sic] within a woman, the goddesses may vie among themselves, or one may rule” (p.266). Perhaps what must happen is that the older goddesses must gain supremacy in the group or what Bolen (1984) refers to as the “committee” (pp. 266-267).
As the positive notion of the crone takes a place in women’s collective consciousness, with the positive attributes of “wisdom, compassion, transformation, healing laughter, and bawdiness’ (Silverman, 2008, January 17), perhaps more women can ignore or at least give less weight to the current cultural imperative of everlasting youthfulness and flawless beauty and find delight and joy in being themselves as they age and embody the crone aspect of the goddess.
The rewards of such redefinition and ignoring the youth imperative may be great for some women. With enough years of experiences, both good and bad, a woman may experience resurgence in self-confidence to do as she pleases, do compassionate service, and enjoy the earthier aspects of what it means to be a woman. Razak (1991) tells of a friend’s mother who is a sexually-demanding mistress at age seventy and goes on to say, “I think that’s great; I aspire to be a sexually demanding sixty-or seventy-year-old!” (Cited in Rountree, 1991, p. 87). The crone phase honors this sense of bawdiness and freedom. Regardless of the mythology of the current youth-oriented and oftentimes unrealistic beauty standard, it would appear that older women can be sexy, powerful, and complete as they are.
The current culture would have us believe that only the young are sensual, sexual, vital and beautiful. Because the media and advertising still dictate what is desirable, many women will continue to strive to attain mostly unrealistic physical goals and detrimental ideals of appearance; sadly, some middle-aged women will never question the media-created image of what women should be but rarely in actuality are.
Perhaps by learning about and embracing the positive aspects of the crone, it may be possible for some women to transcend the rather narrow cultural view of what is acceptable, desirable, and powerful. The study of the crone goddesses may be helpful in defining what middle-age actually can be rather than what the current cultural myths would have us believe it is. Rising above the superficial, appearance-oriented, and quasi-religious beauty imperative by studying the older goddess forms may give middle-aged women a sense of the sacredness of experiencing life as an authentic woman rather than as a culturally acceptable mannequin.
References
Bolen, J. S. (1984). Goddesses in everywoman: A new psychology of women.
New York: Harper & Row.
Bridges, W. (2004). Transitions: Making sense of life’s changes (2nd ed).
Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press.
Featherston, E. (1991). In C. Rountree (Ed.) On women turning forty: Coming into our
fullness. Freedom CA: The Crossing Press.
Kilbourne, J. (1999). Can’t buy my love: How advertising changes the way we
look and feel. New York: Touchstone.
Perera, S. B. (1981). Descent to the goddess: A way of initiation for women.
Toronto, Canada: Inner City Books.
Razak, R. (1991). In C. Rountree (Ed.). On women turning forty: Coming into our
fullness. Freedom CA: The Crossing Press.
Silverman, A. (n.d.) The ancient crone. Crones Counsel Inc. Retrieved January 14, 2008
From http://www.cronescounsel.org/who/htm.
Ward, M. C. (2003). A world full of women (3rd ed). Boston: Pearson Education, Inc.
Wolf, N. (2002). The beauty myth: How images of beauty are used against women.
New York: HarperCollins.
However, more difficult to understand and to dismiss as unrealistic is the way advertising, the media, and the pursuit of beauty appears to have replaced religion in some senses. It might even be said that the pursuit of everlasting youth and beauty are components of the material religion. Kilbourne (1999) goes so far as to say, “Advertising is not only our physical environment, it is increasingly our spiritual environment as well. By definition, however, it is only interested in materialistic values” (p. 67). Wolf (2002) suggests the art and rites of beauty procedures have replaced religious rites in our media and youth-driven culture (pp. 87-92). Because the ideals of youth and beauty are so enmeshed in many aspects of the culture, it is difficult not to judge one’s self by the plastic versions of womanhood plastered on billboards and in magazines.
Given the often negative messages that middle-aged women receive from the culture at large, how do women no longer young and not yet old learn to accept themselves and achieve a sense of worth, beauty, and wholeness?
Perhaps what is needed is an alternative viewpoint that women can embrace and use as a means of transcending the cultural imperative of youthful beauty. For some women, exploring the goddess mythologies and most particularly the crone aspect can supply a different, more powerful meaning to being a “middle-aged” woman. The goddess mythologies provide a more in-depth and comprehensive view of femininity in all stages; the crone phase of the life of a woman does not have to be one of fading beauty, sexuality, or power. In fact, some comparative research by Sacks (1992) on middle-age women in various cultures states,
First and foremost, this is the time in which a woman enjoys her greatest power,
status, and autonomy. In some cultures this increase in power and status is gradual;
in others, there is sharp break with earlier requirements for women’s seclusion and deferential behavior. Second, both in societies that sharply oppress young women and those that have egalitarian gender ideologies, the freedom, prestige, and authority of women increases at middle age and comes closer to that of men than it did in earlier years. So, whether it is seen in relation to a woman’s own life or in relations to the lives of men of her culture and generation, middle age is a woman’s prime. (Cited in Ward, 2003, p.68).
With such modern emphasis on the exterior and the superficial, it is all too easy to forget that middle-aged women have much to offer: wisdom, beauty, and strength of character. It would appear that a balance must be struck between living within the culture and yet not embodying the culture. Goldberg (1991) sums this balance up,
Success means balancing out being successful in the world and getting caught up or
tossed away by it. Success to me is being able to handle it and got getting turned around by believing other people’s ideas about who I am—being able to keep it in balance and
keep my life in balance (Cited in Rountree, p.194).
Unfortunately, this balance is difficult to achieve for many modern women. The present, highly visually-centered culture gives women few meaningful roles and/or role models to help ease the transition from young woman to middle-age woman. Perera (1981) says, “We also feel unseen because there are not images alive to reflect our wholeness and variety” (p. 12).
Given the lack of realistic alternative versions in the public eye of what is beautiful, attractive, and acceptable, there appears nowhere to go but obscurity as beauty (as defined by popular culture) fades. Conversely, Ward (2003) states in times past and in some cultures presently, reaching middle-age or past into old-age was an achievement, one which imbued women with wisdom, strength, and power; women were the village wise-women, healers and mid-wives, and this was/is also the time that a women’s individuality is more freely expressed (pp. 68-70).
Despite the lack of roles to step into such as village healer or wise-woman, there are other means for transcending the media interpretation of what middle-aged women are and creating a sense of strength, power, and individuality. Such transitions often require introspection, work, and, ultimately, redefining one’s idea of womanhood at middle-age. Researching the crone in goddess mythology is one way to redefine oneself during the transition. Becoming a crone does not mean giving up one’s identity as a woman, only letting go of what no longer works or applies to one’s present circumstance.
In current imagination and present speech, the crone has been portrayed as hag, witch, or harridan—all uncomplimentary labels and meant to evoke fear. Silverman (2008, January 17) says that words such as crone or witch were once positive terms for older women who were leaders, mid-wives, and healers. She states that the Spanish Inquisition changed the meaning of these words to have negative connotations. Silverman also claims that a resurgence of interest in reclaiming the crone’s positive aspect is now present in our society (p. 2).
Embracing the transition from young woman to middle-aged woman necessitates accepting an ending of a version of one’s self but also acknowledging that one is still the same person in many significant ways. Bridges (2004) suggests while middle age often is a time of upheaval, transitions are not “(…) the result not just of new factors but of a mixture of old and new ones” (p. 40).
One of the new factors that some women face is the loss of youthful face and body that can seem so important for a sense of worth and sexiness according to much advertising and popular culture. Perhaps what is needed is a more “subversive” (Featherston, pp. 50-51) way of looking at the current culture. Featherston (1991) suggests looking at the “myths, traditions, and ideas that constitute normal in our culture, and questioning it, looking at it differently (…)” (p.51). Whereas the loss of acceptability by the standards of current culture does not always affect a woman’s inner sense of self significantly, for others it can be a difficult transition. Bridges quotes a seminar participant who sums up this dichotomy nicely, “’It’s the mirror that does it to you first, I think,’” said Betty on one of the final nights of the seminar. “’I still thought of myself as I had been ten years earlier, but one day I looked in the mirror and said, “Where’d you come from, old gal? What ever happened to Betty—the girl who used to live here?’” (p. 41).
As women are faced, quite literally, with evidence that they are no longer young or beautiful by today’s ever younger and increasingly rigid standards, something must replace the easy answer of face and body for a sense of worth. The study of various goddess and archetypes can be helpful in defining oneself as a still sexual, attractive, and powerful woman. Often what happens when one is transitioning from one archetype (maiden to mother to crone) to another is what Bolen (1984), says, “[sic] within a woman, the goddesses may vie among themselves, or one may rule” (p.266). Perhaps what must happen is that the older goddesses must gain supremacy in the group or what Bolen (1984) refers to as the “committee” (pp. 266-267).
As the positive notion of the crone takes a place in women’s collective consciousness, with the positive attributes of “wisdom, compassion, transformation, healing laughter, and bawdiness’ (Silverman, 2008, January 17), perhaps more women can ignore or at least give less weight to the current cultural imperative of everlasting youthfulness and flawless beauty and find delight and joy in being themselves as they age and embody the crone aspect of the goddess.
The rewards of such redefinition and ignoring the youth imperative may be great for some women. With enough years of experiences, both good and bad, a woman may experience resurgence in self-confidence to do as she pleases, do compassionate service, and enjoy the earthier aspects of what it means to be a woman. Razak (1991) tells of a friend’s mother who is a sexually-demanding mistress at age seventy and goes on to say, “I think that’s great; I aspire to be a sexually demanding sixty-or seventy-year-old!” (Cited in Rountree, 1991, p. 87). The crone phase honors this sense of bawdiness and freedom. Regardless of the mythology of the current youth-oriented and oftentimes unrealistic beauty standard, it would appear that older women can be sexy, powerful, and complete as they are.
The current culture would have us believe that only the young are sensual, sexual, vital and beautiful. Because the media and advertising still dictate what is desirable, many women will continue to strive to attain mostly unrealistic physical goals and detrimental ideals of appearance; sadly, some middle-aged women will never question the media-created image of what women should be but rarely in actuality are.
Perhaps by learning about and embracing the positive aspects of the crone, it may be possible for some women to transcend the rather narrow cultural view of what is acceptable, desirable, and powerful. The study of the crone goddesses may be helpful in defining what middle-age actually can be rather than what the current cultural myths would have us believe it is. Rising above the superficial, appearance-oriented, and quasi-religious beauty imperative by studying the older goddess forms may give middle-aged women a sense of the sacredness of experiencing life as an authentic woman rather than as a culturally acceptable mannequin.
References
Bolen, J. S. (1984). Goddesses in everywoman: A new psychology of women.
New York: Harper & Row.
Bridges, W. (2004). Transitions: Making sense of life’s changes (2nd ed).
Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press.
Featherston, E. (1991). In C. Rountree (Ed.) On women turning forty: Coming into our
fullness. Freedom CA: The Crossing Press.
Kilbourne, J. (1999). Can’t buy my love: How advertising changes the way we
look and feel. New York: Touchstone.
Perera, S. B. (1981). Descent to the goddess: A way of initiation for women.
Toronto, Canada: Inner City Books.
Razak, R. (1991). In C. Rountree (Ed.). On women turning forty: Coming into our
fullness. Freedom CA: The Crossing Press.
Silverman, A. (n.d.) The ancient crone. Crones Counsel Inc. Retrieved January 14, 2008
From http://www.cronescounsel.org/who/htm.
Ward, M. C. (2003). A world full of women (3rd ed). Boston: Pearson Education, Inc.
Wolf, N. (2002). The beauty myth: How images of beauty are used against women.
New York: HarperCollins.
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