Final Self-Reflection Paper
Closing Seminar
When I began my studies at ITP, I truly had no real idea what Transpersonal Psychology was. I only knew that the material in the information package I received from the Institute resonated within me at an intuitive level that I was hard-pressed to explain to others, and defining transpersonal psychology for those unfamiliar with the field is difficult even now. However, the module work has increased my understanding of transpersonal psychology dramatically. The experiential nature of much of the work involved in each course allows us to incorporate the knowledge more deeply into our beings; this has been my experience, at least.
In reviewing my past work, I found some reflections that still accurately, although admittedly far from completely knowledgably, explain my understanding of what this mysterious and wonderful field of study is. The field of transpersonal psychology seems to be a fluid, evolving area of study which embraces both traditional and non-traditional healing modalities in the pursuit of human and planetary health and wholeness. Transpersonal psychology, by its ever-changing nature, is actually rather difficult to define, let alone describe to others. It is mysterious, scholarly, and esoteric. Because nothing is considered unworthy of study, the potential for discovery is great. While the field has rigorous academic and research standards, the boundaries are less rigid—it is acknowledged that many things are connected at most levels; one can specialize but can also stay open to new ideas from many different aspects of the field.
Because of the fluid nature of the field of transpersonal psychology, this openness to possibilities for learning is what attracts most students to the field. Personally, the intuitive sense that there is more to myself and this world is what brought me to this area of study without really knowing much about it. I simply had an impression of being able to learn through the vast work of others, which did not dismiss the mystery and beauty of all aspects of humanity, both the light and darker sides to us all. I was most pleasantly (although why I cannot now imagine) surprised at the study and dedication to ecology.
In addition to the wide-open possibilities for academic study, is the possibility for personal growth and healing that the study of transpersonal psychology may bring. I must acknowledge that was an impetus for me. Having had the opportunity to speak with others about this subject, I feel safe in asserting that many people are attracted to both of these possibilities. Because I believe that most people, in various ways, are only seeking wholeness, the study of transpersonal psychology seems to be offering me ways to facilitate that for first myself and then others.
While I wrote some of these reflections earlier in the year, I am still of the same opinion. I believe that this course of study does indeed facilitate the journey toward personal integration and wholeness. I know that I have grown tremendously throughout this first year of study. Many of my long-held negative beliefs about myself have been, and continue to be, challenged.
Indeed, one important area of growth toward a healthy sense of self and wholeness this past year for me has been around my attitude toward my body image.
Many of the activities have challenged me to accept and love my body as it is and realize that it is only one small aspect of who I truly am. I have learned to revere my body as the sturdy vehicle for my spirit that it is and not worry so much about how society-at-large perceives it.
For me, the meditation and body awareness practices have been invaluable. Before practicing activities such as standing meditation, body check ins, and learning to appreciate my body through them, I “beat myself up” and devalued myself often because of faults that I believed that I had based on our media-driven societal standards. Before this course of study, I used to stuff everything that hurt me down, and feel smaller and uglier and absolutely “own” it all—without learning any useful lessons. However, I realized while practicing that I was still basing my sense of self-worth on other’s reactions to me. While I have not entirely lost the socialization of my local culture and the religion of my childhood, I have achieved a sense of embodied worth and acceptance of myself—body included. Do I feel completely strong, beautiful, and “above” the hurt because of the epiphany? No, I do not—yet. With the many small “aha” moments though, I have learned that I have to work on finding my own value, based on what I think is important—not the unrealistic expectations of amorphous “others.” This acceptance and love of my physical self has been a theme that has resurfaced for me throughout my year of study.
A second theme, closely related to the above body acceptance issue, has been learning to accept and embrace the aging process. While this may seem superficial and unrelated to spirituality at first glance, it is very much tied into my ability to embrace the divine within me. Through some of the module work specifically tied into spiritual perspectives and later, the introduction to theory modules, I came to re-engage my love of and exploration of Goddess spirituality, which I plan to continue—as time permits at present. There is much work done around the goddess trilogy, and I was particularly taken with the crone aspect—both taken with it and resistant to it.
However, during an exploration of my rather narrow vision of what “being crone” has to offer I realized that embracing such a path is perhaps what is needed as an alternative viewpoint: a vision that women can embrace and use as a means of transcending the cultural imperative of youthful beauty. For some women, exploring the goddess mythologies and most particularly the crone aspect can supply a different, more powerful meaning to being a “middle-aged” woman. The goddess mythologies provide a more in-depth and comprehensive view of femininity in all stages; the crone phase of the life of a woman does not have to be one of fading beauty, sexuality, or power. This was a very powerful exercise for me and impacted me deeply enough that I have made the decision to study these areas as my electives in my second year at ITP. Additionally, this avenue is one that I hope to incorporate into my future professional life and utilize to help other women embrace themselves joyfully at any stage of life. This work has helped me begin the journey to solidifying my professional direction.
This year of study has helped me cultivate a more positive and embodied sense of physical self, which in turn has helped me grow emotionally. I have become increasingly cognizant of how thoroughly I believed that my happiness depended on how other people viewed me. As I have moved from focusing on the exterior to looking within not only myself but others, my ability to know joy has increased tremendously. I have learned (and this is a continuing process) to honor the beauty of spirit. I find that relating to other people in this manner is much more satisfying and creates meaningful interactions.
I do not believe that interactions with my family, friends, co-workers, and acquaintances have had the depth they could have in past years because of the superficial level that I often functioned at. It is never pleasant to admit such things but as I have grown in mind/body/spirit it becomes easier. In fact, looking at oneself with courage and honesty seems to be a natural outcome of working through the material in the modules, at least it is for me.
As the courage to look honestly and deeply at my limitations and challenge my pre-conceived ideas about myself and subsequent misconceptions about others has grown, I have become increasingly cognizant of a narrowness of vision regarding acceptance and spirituality in general. Two themes have emerged in this area of my life and studies: First, I have had to work through my distaste for mainstream Christianity and my crippling intolerance toward it, and second; my own growing awareness of my sense of the spiritual in connection to nature and the environment.
I have come to realize that my childhood religious experiences have created prejudices that color my ability to truly embrace tolerance. Many of the articles in the modules helped me work through any lingering anger and intolerance. My introduction to the Christian mystics was an eye-opening and lovely surprise. I was amazed at how fresh the thinking seemed. My world view has expanded, and I have new avenues of spirituality to explore; the material resonated deeply. Interestingly, I learned of the mystics at precisely the right time to help one of my students at work who was struggling with spiritual confusion. It was a moment of wonderful serendipity!
The second theme regarding my emerging spirituality was my connection to the natural world. While I most certainly am learning to embrace all manifestations of the divine, the natural world is still what thrills me most and where I feel most at peace. However, during an exploration of nature and my ability to stay centered and connected to spirit, I had to look at just why I needed external stimuli to access my most essential self. This thought process was prompted by an email conversation with a former professor which took my thoughts to environmentalism and spirituality. We were discussing construction dumping in environments that are considered “disposable environments” (my term) such as the desert which is thought to have little intrinsic or aesthetic value; I began to feel a real sense of panic about the disappearing landscape. If my spirituality is tied to the environment so firmly, what happens to my sense of the sacred if the symbols start becoming less accessible? Do I stop feeling spiritual? Do I somehow just shift my focus? Can that even be done easily?
These questions gave me serious pause. I had to reassess whether my spirituality was coming from my interior self or induced by outside stimuli. The more I thought about it the more I became convinced that I could feel a sense of connectedness regardless of where I am—inside or outside. Do I feel the same sense of wonder that sun shining on green grass can create within me in my office? Not as viscerally but the memory can bring a semblance of it to my day. I still believe that some places can facilitate a sense of the sacred more readily than others, but this is likely to be different for everyone. For me, it is necessary to have the splendor of beautiful natural settings to feel fully connected the universe, my fellow beings, and myself. I also believe that there are natural settings in which the veil between the sacred or universe and humans is thinner or more permeable.
However, I am finding that as I explore my most essential energy and work toward integration of mind/body/spirit that I can maintain my center more readily wherever I am. This has been a journey that has been difficult and joyful—sometimes at the same time! One very important lesson I have learned over this past year is to be gentle with myself regarding my spirituality and practices. I am still in the process of learning how to simply “be” with my sense of the divine and not perceive it as “work” to be done. For me, an overall acceptance of myself and learning to embrace my emerging spiritual nature with tenderness has been one of the most personally fulfilling aspects of this educational journey.
Another wonderful and terrifying aspect of the journey has been an opening of my heart. As I have progressed through the module work and creative exercises, I have felt my ability to open to and trust in others increase. This hard shell of self-protection has long been in place within my being and has impacted my emotional well-being. I fear that many of my relationships have suffered because of such a closed off heart. I mentioned that I have found it terrifying to feel so vulnerable and open but it has been worth confronting. My personal and professional relationships are more satisfying. My interactions with significant others are much healthier. For the first time in my life, I am in a healthy, loving relationship with honest, tender person; I do not think I would have recognized the inner-beauty of spirit and integrity that this person embodies before undergoing such personal growth.
Not only has my heart and spirit evolved but also my intellectual understanding of transpersonal psychology. The theory class gave me a basic understanding of the various veins of traditional psychology that underpin the more expansive field of transpersonal psychology. It was in this module that I became aware that there were so many diverse directions that the transpersonal can take. I was particularly taken with Buddhist psychology and the emphasis on wholeness rather than psychosis, which is quite different from mainstream psychology. I have only recently become interested in Hakomi therapy and would like an opportunity to learn more about this modality in the future. The emphasis on the whole person and focus on wellness resonates with me as I must be honest: I have no desire to sort out deeply entrenched issues in the psyche of others. While this may seem uncaring, it is honest, and I find that I am defining my goals more clearly and with greater courage.
Another theory or element of personality that particularly resonated within me is Sufi psychology. There is a beauty and elegance in the teaching stories and in the exercises that appeals to the aesthetic in me. Additionally, most of the dynamics of growth make not only intuitive sense but psychological sense as well. The practicality of Sufism combined with the beauty of it aligns so well with the aspect of my personality that loves order. For me, the idea of Nafs or ego selves makes perfect sense and also fits neatly with what I know of present psychology. I have been thinking a great deal about the Key and the Light exercise I was introduced to in the theory module. It made me think of being fearful of looking deeply into oneself and how often that is the case for me; I find it beautiful and useful—and I simply love stories!
Learning about theory was truly a great deal of fun for me! I enjoyed the academic pursuit of studying mainstream theorists and applying the concepts transpersonally. I have become particularly interested in further study of Adler, Maslow, and especially William James; I find many aspects of their theories of personality and life stages relevant to my personal and professional life. By gaining a rudimentary knowledge of these theorists, I have been able to better engage with my psychologist colleagues at work. I have had excellent and informative conversations with the therapists at the residential treatment center where I am currently employed. I also have an opportunity to work with one of the psychologists on her second thesis and what I have learned is already proving useful. Combining the spiritual and the theoretical has been a professionally sound decision although I do have to be cautious when discussing religions/spiritual topics at work.
This has been a rewarding, joyful, and enlightening year for me—and long, difficult, and soul-searing as well. I have run the gamut of emotional states! When I began this course of study, I was unsure of whether I was even capable of engaging my heart in the process let alone developing a true connection to spirit. I was very critical and hard on myself and viewed many of the early exercises as work to be gotten through. As I navigated the unfamiliar territory of my own connection to my most essential self and to spirit through reading, creative expression, and experiential activities, I have begun to trust the process and myself. This is powerful stuff indeed! I am well aware that this is a life-long process and journey, which I now know I am equipped to take!
Throughout this sometimes painful journey, my mentor has been invaluable to my process. She has helped me to clarify my sometimes jumbled and confused thinking by pointing out other view points and additional material to read. I learned a great deal from her about how to be gentle with myself as I learn to practice. It has been an instructive and pleasurable experience working with her. While the learning has been my own, I have had an excellent guide throughout the rough patches—and there have been many of those. I have had many dark moments of self-doubt and angst during a number of the exercises and some of the readings left me breathless after contemplating them. My mentor has given me excellent feedback (and yes, had me rewrite several confused papers!) and I am indebted to her.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Self-Cultivation/Ethical Life Maps
Psychology of Self Cultivation
Ethical Life Maps and Threads
The study of self-cultivation is the unraveling of oneself—learning about our unconsciousness, our mental blinders, assumptions, and our beauty and glory as well. When some of us begin this journey to wholeness, there are some of us who have no idea who we really are. We have the surface masks and ego personas that we know well and often we believe that is are all we are. As the study of Self deepens, the mystery of who we truly are begins to clear as the veils of surface deceptions begin to fall away.
For me, this journey has been one of extremes at time. As I said earlier, in pursuit of my cultivation of Self and unraveling the mystery that is me, I tended to swing from one extreme to another—rarely resting in the middle-way for long. With the work being done in the study of the psychology of self cultivation, I began to desire more harmony in my being and in my life. Continuously cultivating oneself--becoming close to the Tao--is something that I have been working on because the lies we tell ourselves take us away from the flow of the universal energies. I like very much the idea of constant studying and working toward the development of and cultivation of our most essential divine selves in order to manifest it outward into the world as service to others and modeling congruent behaviors for those around us.
While these ideas are good and worthy ones, there must be some sort of plan in place to achieve development, cultivation of Self and congruent behavior. I was asked what this would look like and how it would affect my everyday life, and it has taken some time, a great deal of inner-work, and much reflection to get a clearer picture what this means for me, in terms of action. It is the culmination of the reflection upon this question which has helped me define my own psychology of self-cultivation and given me a basic map of how to manifest it outwardly into my day-to-day life and professional world.
Upon reflection, a thread of continuity has become apparent. The thread truly impacted my awareness with the final readings in Roger Walsh’s book, Essential Spirituality (1999) regarding ethical living. It was with chapters 15-18 that I began to understand my own version of authenticity and my plan of action to achieve self-cultivation and congruency. Reading these chapters helped me understand why particular books and readings resonated so strongly and prompted the understanding I have had. Living in ways that embody and reflect honesty, integrity, and balance are some of my vehicles for following the thread to my most authentically healthy Self. Becoming, more consistently, my truest and best self will benefit myself and thus others who I have interaction with.
With the realization of how I can best manifest my most beneficial and authentic self outwardly to the world by practicing ethical living, it is necessary to return to the beginning of the self-cultivation journey. I now understand why Confucius’ Great Wisdom and Genuine Living principles so struck a chord and resonated so strongly within me. Confucius gives us clear, concise guidelines for ethical behavior in myriad situations—everything from dealing with one’s family to proper business and governmental management. The Nine Practical Principles (Bahm, 1969, p. 98) are some of the most thoughtful and reasonable principles for governing oneself and others I have been exposed to. The clarity of the principles appeals to my practicality as well.
While Confucius seemed primarily concerned with the governing of countries on the surface, there is the underlying imperative of self-development of genuineness. It is this thread that most resonated with me. Without cultivating genuineness, all our actions will stem from shallow and most likely self-serving motivations. Confucius says in chapter 24:
“Genuineness is self-sufficient. And its nature is self-directing. Genuineness pervades being from beginning to end. Without genuineness, nothing could be done. This is Why the wise man values becoming genuine above everything else. The person who tries to be genuine not only promotes [his own] self-realization. He also promotes the self-realization of others” (Bahm, 1969, p. 109)”.
While much of the book resonated for me, it was this chapter that stayed with me and began the process of building my map to shedding some of the masks and veils covering my authentic Self. I began pondering what genuineness actually is, what that looks like for me. I toyed with the idea that I must become serious and heavy in my spiritual quest to self-cultivation. Perhaps my irreverence and light-heartedness kept me from becoming genuine…yet, while that thought process felt inherently wrong, I gave heavy-handed seriousness a try. This was another of the pendulum swings to an extreme in my process, one which made me rather unhappy.
I also contemplated the idea that I must become formal and austere in order to achieve the gravity and dignity to develop the wisdom and genuineness Confucius seemed to promote. This, too, felt inauthentic to me. As Kubler-Ross says, “Many times the pendulum has to swing all the way to the other side (you become a grump) before it can come back to the middle point where you discover who you really are […]” (Ross & Kessler, 2000, p.29).
It was upon reading Life Lessons (2000) by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler that I began re-thinking what genuineness can look like for me. Their version of “authenticity” seemed truer to my own sense of being. Kubler-Ross and Kessler are neither austere nor heavy-handed; they are realistic and earthy in their version of authenticity. I made the connection that in order to be genuine and ethical we must first know who we are. This sounds so simple and yet can be one of the hardest and longest (a life-time endeavor) journeys I am finding. A large part of my journey to authenticity has come through many lessons, many of which I equated to having a house dropped on me! In times past, I was unable to see the benefits in these “life lessons;” however, with time I have come to see them as growth gifts. Kubler-Ross (2000) validates this learning when she says, “Life hands us lessons, universal truths teaching us the basics about love, fear, time, power, loss, happiness, relationships, and authenticity” (p. 25). Yet, another part of the one thread of ethical behavior that was becoming clear to me.
The teachings in this particular book touched me so deeply that I have re-read many parts of it; I am finding it to be one of my best maps. I began, with the study of this book, to have a greater awareness of who I am—the first step in authenticity, I believe. Additionally, I realized that I did not need to be heavy, austere, nor overly-serious all the time in order to be ethical or genuine. This realization nudged me closer to the middle-way.
The thread manifested itself again in chapter four of The Cherokee Full Circle (2002) by J.T. Garrett and Michael Tlanusta Garrett. Each of the thirteen assumptions could be seen as steps in knowing oneself. Each assumption was useful and meaningful to me; I thought about them a great deal. While this book did not truly resonate deeply for me, the assumptions helped clarify my journey further.
While each book was useful to me in my journey, it was not until I re-read Roger Walsh’s book, Essential Spirituality that the threads truly began to weave into a more complete tapestry. I resonated with the practicality of the exercises and tried many of them—each helpful to finding my center. However, upon reading chapters 15-18, I had a vision of what embodying the psychology of Self-Cultivation means for me. My post on ethical living truly explains the realization I had during this last week of study of Self-Cultivation, and I would like to include it here:
The question asked in chapter 15, "Why should we bother" (Walsh 1999, p.118) regarding living ethically is an interesting one given our cultural climate, generally speaking. Everywhere we turn--television, magazines, news--exploitation is obvious and rampant. Winning at any cost is touted as a virtue. Given all of the media's insistent and incessant messages, how do we choose an ethical life? More importantly, how do we even know what that is or looks like? How do we go about finding out? I suspect that for many of us a life-changing event is often the impetus for beginning the search for that ethical life that can "heal our minds" (Walsh 1999, p.121) and likely our hearts. As the book points out, the great religious traditions give us clear guidelines. Certainly, some of the rules are dogmatic and ritualistic; however, as one studies, learns, and grows, it seems easier to step away from blindly "following the rules" or to simply avoid feeling guilt or shame to embodying the essence of the great teachings and allowing that essence to permeate our beings and so manifest outwardly in most of what we do, say, and "show up" as. With that said, it must also be stated that this can be a difficult undertaking even when committed to change.
Difficult or not, the journey to embodying ethical thoughts, behaviors, and actions are well worth the work. As the chapter points out, when we behave ethically, we benefit not only others but ourselves. More importantly: "Ethical living is absolutely crucial for advanced spiritual work, and without it, progress is difficult" (Walsh 1999, p.121). This is where living in the Tao is made manifest, I think. When we are living in a virtuous manner, we are more firmly following the middle-way and living in the stream. Living in this way teaches by example, I believe. As we continue to grow spiritually and live in ethical ways, our healthy and positive energy ripples outward to touch untold people. For this reason alone, fostering virtuous traits and acting ethically can improve the world-at-large…in ways we may never even imagine.
Certainly, it may be redundant to include this posting again, but I cannot explain it any more eloquently at this later date. It was written at the moment that I felt many parts of my life, indeed, the threads coming together and is my psychology:
For me, living an ethical life, with joy and lighthearted effort, is truly my most authentic map to Self-Cultivation. As I continue to learn more about how that manifests for me, I feel hopeful that refining what the middle-way looks like for me will become more firmly part of “who I am” and not what I am simply “doing.” Accepting, with increasing equanimity and gratitude, the lessons that the universal source presents me with is another component of staying in the stream, living in the Tao. Treating all others, both those who treat me well and those who do not, with dignity and respect are important aspects of my continuing effort to my most authentic, genuine ethical life. Most importantly, continuing to learn about and love my own Self is a true map: how else can we love and accept others if we do not extend the courtesy to ourselves?
Of course, there needs to be practical steps to these components. I am discovering that I am greatly drawn to much of the Buddhist psychologies and methods for discovering one’s Self. I will continue to learn and practice many of the meditations. I am currently studying the basic tenets of living an ethical life that harms no one or nothing (the best I can at present). But with all of this Self-Cultivation work, I plan to stay cognizant of the acceptability of having fun with this process—something I have often forgotten in the past. If I give myself permission to make this work “play,” imagine where it might take me…..?
References
Bahm, A. J. (1969). The heart of Confucius. New York: Harper & Row.
Garrett, J. T., & Garrett, M. T., (2002). The Cherokee full circle: a practical guide to ceremonies and
traditions. Rochester VT: Bear and Company.
Kubler-Ross, E. & Kessler, D. (2000). Life lessons: two experts on death and dying teach us about the
mysteries of life and living. New York: Scribner.
Walsh, R. (1999). Essential spirituality: exercises from the world’s religions to cultivate kindness, love,
Joy, peace, vision, wisdom, and generosity. New York: Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Ethical Life Maps and Threads
The study of self-cultivation is the unraveling of oneself—learning about our unconsciousness, our mental blinders, assumptions, and our beauty and glory as well. When some of us begin this journey to wholeness, there are some of us who have no idea who we really are. We have the surface masks and ego personas that we know well and often we believe that is are all we are. As the study of Self deepens, the mystery of who we truly are begins to clear as the veils of surface deceptions begin to fall away.
For me, this journey has been one of extremes at time. As I said earlier, in pursuit of my cultivation of Self and unraveling the mystery that is me, I tended to swing from one extreme to another—rarely resting in the middle-way for long. With the work being done in the study of the psychology of self cultivation, I began to desire more harmony in my being and in my life. Continuously cultivating oneself--becoming close to the Tao--is something that I have been working on because the lies we tell ourselves take us away from the flow of the universal energies. I like very much the idea of constant studying and working toward the development of and cultivation of our most essential divine selves in order to manifest it outward into the world as service to others and modeling congruent behaviors for those around us.
While these ideas are good and worthy ones, there must be some sort of plan in place to achieve development, cultivation of Self and congruent behavior. I was asked what this would look like and how it would affect my everyday life, and it has taken some time, a great deal of inner-work, and much reflection to get a clearer picture what this means for me, in terms of action. It is the culmination of the reflection upon this question which has helped me define my own psychology of self-cultivation and given me a basic map of how to manifest it outwardly into my day-to-day life and professional world.
Upon reflection, a thread of continuity has become apparent. The thread truly impacted my awareness with the final readings in Roger Walsh’s book, Essential Spirituality (1999) regarding ethical living. It was with chapters 15-18 that I began to understand my own version of authenticity and my plan of action to achieve self-cultivation and congruency. Reading these chapters helped me understand why particular books and readings resonated so strongly and prompted the understanding I have had. Living in ways that embody and reflect honesty, integrity, and balance are some of my vehicles for following the thread to my most authentically healthy Self. Becoming, more consistently, my truest and best self will benefit myself and thus others who I have interaction with.
With the realization of how I can best manifest my most beneficial and authentic self outwardly to the world by practicing ethical living, it is necessary to return to the beginning of the self-cultivation journey. I now understand why Confucius’ Great Wisdom and Genuine Living principles so struck a chord and resonated so strongly within me. Confucius gives us clear, concise guidelines for ethical behavior in myriad situations—everything from dealing with one’s family to proper business and governmental management. The Nine Practical Principles (Bahm, 1969, p. 98) are some of the most thoughtful and reasonable principles for governing oneself and others I have been exposed to. The clarity of the principles appeals to my practicality as well.
While Confucius seemed primarily concerned with the governing of countries on the surface, there is the underlying imperative of self-development of genuineness. It is this thread that most resonated with me. Without cultivating genuineness, all our actions will stem from shallow and most likely self-serving motivations. Confucius says in chapter 24:
“Genuineness is self-sufficient. And its nature is self-directing. Genuineness pervades being from beginning to end. Without genuineness, nothing could be done. This is Why the wise man values becoming genuine above everything else. The person who tries to be genuine not only promotes [his own] self-realization. He also promotes the self-realization of others” (Bahm, 1969, p. 109)”.
While much of the book resonated for me, it was this chapter that stayed with me and began the process of building my map to shedding some of the masks and veils covering my authentic Self. I began pondering what genuineness actually is, what that looks like for me. I toyed with the idea that I must become serious and heavy in my spiritual quest to self-cultivation. Perhaps my irreverence and light-heartedness kept me from becoming genuine…yet, while that thought process felt inherently wrong, I gave heavy-handed seriousness a try. This was another of the pendulum swings to an extreme in my process, one which made me rather unhappy.
I also contemplated the idea that I must become formal and austere in order to achieve the gravity and dignity to develop the wisdom and genuineness Confucius seemed to promote. This, too, felt inauthentic to me. As Kubler-Ross says, “Many times the pendulum has to swing all the way to the other side (you become a grump) before it can come back to the middle point where you discover who you really are […]” (Ross & Kessler, 2000, p.29).
It was upon reading Life Lessons (2000) by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler that I began re-thinking what genuineness can look like for me. Their version of “authenticity” seemed truer to my own sense of being. Kubler-Ross and Kessler are neither austere nor heavy-handed; they are realistic and earthy in their version of authenticity. I made the connection that in order to be genuine and ethical we must first know who we are. This sounds so simple and yet can be one of the hardest and longest (a life-time endeavor) journeys I am finding. A large part of my journey to authenticity has come through many lessons, many of which I equated to having a house dropped on me! In times past, I was unable to see the benefits in these “life lessons;” however, with time I have come to see them as growth gifts. Kubler-Ross (2000) validates this learning when she says, “Life hands us lessons, universal truths teaching us the basics about love, fear, time, power, loss, happiness, relationships, and authenticity” (p. 25). Yet, another part of the one thread of ethical behavior that was becoming clear to me.
The teachings in this particular book touched me so deeply that I have re-read many parts of it; I am finding it to be one of my best maps. I began, with the study of this book, to have a greater awareness of who I am—the first step in authenticity, I believe. Additionally, I realized that I did not need to be heavy, austere, nor overly-serious all the time in order to be ethical or genuine. This realization nudged me closer to the middle-way.
The thread manifested itself again in chapter four of The Cherokee Full Circle (2002) by J.T. Garrett and Michael Tlanusta Garrett. Each of the thirteen assumptions could be seen as steps in knowing oneself. Each assumption was useful and meaningful to me; I thought about them a great deal. While this book did not truly resonate deeply for me, the assumptions helped clarify my journey further.
While each book was useful to me in my journey, it was not until I re-read Roger Walsh’s book, Essential Spirituality that the threads truly began to weave into a more complete tapestry. I resonated with the practicality of the exercises and tried many of them—each helpful to finding my center. However, upon reading chapters 15-18, I had a vision of what embodying the psychology of Self-Cultivation means for me. My post on ethical living truly explains the realization I had during this last week of study of Self-Cultivation, and I would like to include it here:
The question asked in chapter 15, "Why should we bother" (Walsh 1999, p.118) regarding living ethically is an interesting one given our cultural climate, generally speaking. Everywhere we turn--television, magazines, news--exploitation is obvious and rampant. Winning at any cost is touted as a virtue. Given all of the media's insistent and incessant messages, how do we choose an ethical life? More importantly, how do we even know what that is or looks like? How do we go about finding out? I suspect that for many of us a life-changing event is often the impetus for beginning the search for that ethical life that can "heal our minds" (Walsh 1999, p.121) and likely our hearts. As the book points out, the great religious traditions give us clear guidelines. Certainly, some of the rules are dogmatic and ritualistic; however, as one studies, learns, and grows, it seems easier to step away from blindly "following the rules" or to simply avoid feeling guilt or shame to embodying the essence of the great teachings and allowing that essence to permeate our beings and so manifest outwardly in most of what we do, say, and "show up" as. With that said, it must also be stated that this can be a difficult undertaking even when committed to change.
Difficult or not, the journey to embodying ethical thoughts, behaviors, and actions are well worth the work. As the chapter points out, when we behave ethically, we benefit not only others but ourselves. More importantly: "Ethical living is absolutely crucial for advanced spiritual work, and without it, progress is difficult" (Walsh 1999, p.121). This is where living in the Tao is made manifest, I think. When we are living in a virtuous manner, we are more firmly following the middle-way and living in the stream. Living in this way teaches by example, I believe. As we continue to grow spiritually and live in ethical ways, our healthy and positive energy ripples outward to touch untold people. For this reason alone, fostering virtuous traits and acting ethically can improve the world-at-large…in ways we may never even imagine.
Certainly, it may be redundant to include this posting again, but I cannot explain it any more eloquently at this later date. It was written at the moment that I felt many parts of my life, indeed, the threads coming together and is my psychology:
For me, living an ethical life, with joy and lighthearted effort, is truly my most authentic map to Self-Cultivation. As I continue to learn more about how that manifests for me, I feel hopeful that refining what the middle-way looks like for me will become more firmly part of “who I am” and not what I am simply “doing.” Accepting, with increasing equanimity and gratitude, the lessons that the universal source presents me with is another component of staying in the stream, living in the Tao. Treating all others, both those who treat me well and those who do not, with dignity and respect are important aspects of my continuing effort to my most authentic, genuine ethical life. Most importantly, continuing to learn about and love my own Self is a true map: how else can we love and accept others if we do not extend the courtesy to ourselves?
Of course, there needs to be practical steps to these components. I am discovering that I am greatly drawn to much of the Buddhist psychologies and methods for discovering one’s Self. I will continue to learn and practice many of the meditations. I am currently studying the basic tenets of living an ethical life that harms no one or nothing (the best I can at present). But with all of this Self-Cultivation work, I plan to stay cognizant of the acceptability of having fun with this process—something I have often forgotten in the past. If I give myself permission to make this work “play,” imagine where it might take me…..?
References
Bahm, A. J. (1969). The heart of Confucius. New York: Harper & Row.
Garrett, J. T., & Garrett, M. T., (2002). The Cherokee full circle: a practical guide to ceremonies and
traditions. Rochester VT: Bear and Company.
Kubler-Ross, E. & Kessler, D. (2000). Life lessons: two experts on death and dying teach us about the
mysteries of life and living. New York: Scribner.
Walsh, R. (1999). Essential spirituality: exercises from the world’s religions to cultivate kindness, love,
Joy, peace, vision, wisdom, and generosity. New York: Wiley & Sons, Inc.
Modality Paper
Modality Paper
The body therapy that most resonated with me was Hakomi. I particularly liked the integration of Eastern spirituality and western psychological thought. Another attractive feature of Hakomi is that it is a gentle, supportive modality that allows clients to work at their own pace without a timeline or agenda set by the therapist. Essentially, Hakomi uses mindfulness techniques to more easily access the body’s messages. Often times, teaching clients what mindfulness is and how to access it is the therapist’s first job in therapy. By using mindfulness or a state of receptive calm to access and release emotions that may be repressed or pent up, the client is completely aware of what is happening; the client can then control the pace and depth of work done. This client control of the pace of therapy and work being done may be less harmful than more forceful methods, which can be more confrontational.
Once a client has achieved a state of mindfulness, the therapist will use what are called probes, which are statements that are opposite of the client’s beliefs or models. Models are belief systems that a client has incorporated into his or her psyche, often these are negative beliefs based on some past trauma, the probes or statements often illicit bodily sensations that the therapist can observe and use to deduce possible areas to work on. With permission, the therapist may use touch to further access pain or trauma and alleviate it as much as possible by supplying a safe, supportive environment in which to explore the sensations and the core beliefs they may be attached to.
Hakomi practioners believe that most people form core beliefs, which are “habitual, automatic attitudes (both physical and psychological) by which we generate patterns of the world (p. 161, 1997). It is believed that these core beliefs are also accompanied by corresponding physical sensations. Hakomi uses mindful awareness to access and integrate these core areas into a more cohesive whole to enable clients to become more fully functioning in all areas. The core areas are, respectively (1) inner body sensation (2) 5 sense perceptions (3) movement (4) cognition (5) affect (p. 162, 1997). Hakomi therapists help the client use all five core areas in a balanced way as trauma or repetitive experiences will sometimes cause a person to utilize only some areas and ignore others.
Hakomi is a gentle modality which is ideal for victims of trauma because of the client controlled pace and depth of the work. A Hakomi therapist must create a safe, supportive environment; integral to that environment is the therapists own personality and non-judgmental attitude. This mindful modality can often bring quicker results than other methods simply because the client feels safe and accepted as they are. Another use for Hakomi is for the client that wishes to further their own growth and understanding of themselves, not necessarily to deal with trauma or psychosis of any kind.
I believe that Hakomi has many useful applications for healing. Because it is so gentle and non-confrontational, victims of severe trauma, such as abuse or rape, could access the emotional damage in a safe way by focusing first on the body sensations and then progressing to process the emotional damage at a pace set by client. Also, Hakomi has no timeframe, so the client can take as much time needed to work through the trauma in a safe, supportive, non-judgmental environment. This seems extremely effective and valuable. For those people who simply wish for greater self-knowledge and integration, Hakomi offers what is sometimes a rapid result. I think that Hakomi training would be a wonderful tool for a life coach to possess.
However, as useful as mindfulness training and Hakomi may be for some, the Eastern-based spiritual aspect may make Hakomi an unlikely choice for those who feel that therapy and spirituality are separate and should remain so. Also, for those people who are uncomfortable with being touched, Hakomi might be intimidating or repulsive. It would be difficult to use in treatment for teens because of the possibility of touch therapy being misconstrued as inappropriate and/or sexual. The legal liability alone would render it dangerous to include in such an environment.
Being a novice at mindfulness myself, I attempted to find a Hakomi practitioner to teach me in my area. There are none, but I found a doctor who uses meditation and mindfulness in his stress reduction clinic. I made an appointment for a session and spent an hour and a half with the doctor. It was a useful and informative session. The doctor spent most of the time talking to me as a student rather than a client. I came away from the session with an extensive reading list and numerous handouts, all of which are proving useful to me. We did a guided, mindful meditation the last twenty-five minutes of the session, and it was interesting. I went into the session in a great mood, feeling stable and interested but during the meditation tears started leaking out from under my eyelids. I am not sure if it was purely a physical reaction to my eyes being closed or if I was accessing an emotion I was unaware of. We did not process it because it was late, and I was out of time; however, that brief experience convinced me of the power of mindfulness and the possibility of healing through Hakomi.
For anyone interested in Hakomi, they need only go to the internet. There are thousands of sites on what Hakomi is, where one can get training, and CD’s one can listen to. Most online bookstores also carry a number of books on Hakomi. I would recommend the study to anyone interested in natural healing and life coaching. It appears to be a modality useful in its own right but also a wonderful supplement to other forms of help and healing.
Kurtz, R. & Minton, K. (1997). Essentials of Hakomi: body-centered psychotherapy. In
C. Caldwell (Ed.), Getting in touch: the guide to body-centered therapies. (pp. 45-59).
Wheaton, Il.: Quest books.
Ogden, P. (1993). Hakomi integrative somatics: hands-on psychotherapy. In C. Caldwell (Ed.)
Getting in touch: the guide to body-centered therapies. (pp. 153-78). Wheateon, Il:
Quest Books.
The body therapy that most resonated with me was Hakomi. I particularly liked the integration of Eastern spirituality and western psychological thought. Another attractive feature of Hakomi is that it is a gentle, supportive modality that allows clients to work at their own pace without a timeline or agenda set by the therapist. Essentially, Hakomi uses mindfulness techniques to more easily access the body’s messages. Often times, teaching clients what mindfulness is and how to access it is the therapist’s first job in therapy. By using mindfulness or a state of receptive calm to access and release emotions that may be repressed or pent up, the client is completely aware of what is happening; the client can then control the pace and depth of work done. This client control of the pace of therapy and work being done may be less harmful than more forceful methods, which can be more confrontational.
Once a client has achieved a state of mindfulness, the therapist will use what are called probes, which are statements that are opposite of the client’s beliefs or models. Models are belief systems that a client has incorporated into his or her psyche, often these are negative beliefs based on some past trauma, the probes or statements often illicit bodily sensations that the therapist can observe and use to deduce possible areas to work on. With permission, the therapist may use touch to further access pain or trauma and alleviate it as much as possible by supplying a safe, supportive environment in which to explore the sensations and the core beliefs they may be attached to.
Hakomi practioners believe that most people form core beliefs, which are “habitual, automatic attitudes (both physical and psychological) by which we generate patterns of the world (p. 161, 1997). It is believed that these core beliefs are also accompanied by corresponding physical sensations. Hakomi uses mindful awareness to access and integrate these core areas into a more cohesive whole to enable clients to become more fully functioning in all areas. The core areas are, respectively (1) inner body sensation (2) 5 sense perceptions (3) movement (4) cognition (5) affect (p. 162, 1997). Hakomi therapists help the client use all five core areas in a balanced way as trauma or repetitive experiences will sometimes cause a person to utilize only some areas and ignore others.
Hakomi is a gentle modality which is ideal for victims of trauma because of the client controlled pace and depth of the work. A Hakomi therapist must create a safe, supportive environment; integral to that environment is the therapists own personality and non-judgmental attitude. This mindful modality can often bring quicker results than other methods simply because the client feels safe and accepted as they are. Another use for Hakomi is for the client that wishes to further their own growth and understanding of themselves, not necessarily to deal with trauma or psychosis of any kind.
I believe that Hakomi has many useful applications for healing. Because it is so gentle and non-confrontational, victims of severe trauma, such as abuse or rape, could access the emotional damage in a safe way by focusing first on the body sensations and then progressing to process the emotional damage at a pace set by client. Also, Hakomi has no timeframe, so the client can take as much time needed to work through the trauma in a safe, supportive, non-judgmental environment. This seems extremely effective and valuable. For those people who simply wish for greater self-knowledge and integration, Hakomi offers what is sometimes a rapid result. I think that Hakomi training would be a wonderful tool for a life coach to possess.
However, as useful as mindfulness training and Hakomi may be for some, the Eastern-based spiritual aspect may make Hakomi an unlikely choice for those who feel that therapy and spirituality are separate and should remain so. Also, for those people who are uncomfortable with being touched, Hakomi might be intimidating or repulsive. It would be difficult to use in treatment for teens because of the possibility of touch therapy being misconstrued as inappropriate and/or sexual. The legal liability alone would render it dangerous to include in such an environment.
Being a novice at mindfulness myself, I attempted to find a Hakomi practitioner to teach me in my area. There are none, but I found a doctor who uses meditation and mindfulness in his stress reduction clinic. I made an appointment for a session and spent an hour and a half with the doctor. It was a useful and informative session. The doctor spent most of the time talking to me as a student rather than a client. I came away from the session with an extensive reading list and numerous handouts, all of which are proving useful to me. We did a guided, mindful meditation the last twenty-five minutes of the session, and it was interesting. I went into the session in a great mood, feeling stable and interested but during the meditation tears started leaking out from under my eyelids. I am not sure if it was purely a physical reaction to my eyes being closed or if I was accessing an emotion I was unaware of. We did not process it because it was late, and I was out of time; however, that brief experience convinced me of the power of mindfulness and the possibility of healing through Hakomi.
For anyone interested in Hakomi, they need only go to the internet. There are thousands of sites on what Hakomi is, where one can get training, and CD’s one can listen to. Most online bookstores also carry a number of books on Hakomi. I would recommend the study to anyone interested in natural healing and life coaching. It appears to be a modality useful in its own right but also a wonderful supplement to other forms of help and healing.
Kurtz, R. & Minton, K. (1997). Essentials of Hakomi: body-centered psychotherapy. In
C. Caldwell (Ed.), Getting in touch: the guide to body-centered therapies. (pp. 45-59).
Wheaton, Il.: Quest books.
Ogden, P. (1993). Hakomi integrative somatics: hands-on psychotherapy. In C. Caldwell (Ed.)
Getting in touch: the guide to body-centered therapies. (pp. 153-78). Wheateon, Il:
Quest Books.
Journal-Spiritual Responsibility
Journal-Spiritual Responsibility
Spiritual responsibility will differ from woman to woman; there cannot nor should there be one way of manifesting something as momentous and important as how we speak out truth. I can only speak for myself. For me, such responsibility is first accepting that my connection to spirit is intense in nature and important to me. Second, I must accept that my spirit connection is and will appear unique or odd to others. In this second point, according to my natal chart, is where much of my work will need to be done. It is my responsibility to take what I know and see and translate it into word forms that make sense to others; it is my belief that I have done much work in this limitation already but will continue to find tools that facilitate this. Third, it is my responsibility to hold fast to my vision of what spirit is for me and not allow myself to be swayed by fear or the exhortations of others. And fourth, I must continue to keep at bay the nagging voices that tell me that I have nothing of value to share with others. This is a hard one for me.
There are several ways that I cultivate my garden. One of the most obvious rafts is my connection to nature. It is in natural places that I find peace and serenity. I know that I am terribly out of balance if I cannot still the worries and appreciate the sights, smells, and vibrations of the outdoors, such interaction acts as a wonderful barometer for me. Another way that I cultivate my garden is appreciating the truly good friends I have. Their presence is important to my ability to remain centered. I have the sort of friends who will take me to task for not using the tools I have at my disposal. It takes a genuine friend to tell one that one is being a stupid-shit I also nurture my inner-sanctuary through reading and listening to music that takes my soul to beautiful places. There are also movies that serve the same purpose. I recently watched a movie called, Giant Step, which was extraordinary. The movie Baraka is similar in the power and beauty of the images and the ability to touch the soul. Responsibility comes into play here as it is our job to filter what comes into our realties as much as we can.
These nurturing actions are all simple in theory but sometimes difficult to execute. One of the main impediments to living more often and more fully in my garden is time. It seems that there are so many things the “need doing” all the time. Still, this is where the responsibility comes into play; I simply need to organize and make time. Money is often impedance—there is never enough of that either. Still, this too is an excuse; there is always a way.
I have come to realize that one of my biggest distractions to cultivating my garden is my preoccupation with intimate relationships or more accurately—my lack of one. It is rather embarrassing to admit that such a matter is causing me to be distracted from my path given what we are studying! However, after reading my natal chart and the discussion attached to it, I realize that my intensity is not limited to my spirit-connection but trickles out to most areas of my life. Why am I so surprised that my need for companionship and physical touch is equally intense? It is in looking at these different aspects that it becomes apparent that spiritual maturity and responsibility is as much about being honest about my own nature as it is about manifesting what I know outwardly to help others.
In connection with the intensity and need for a relationship there is the responsibility of deciding exactly how I want such intimacy to occur and what the parameters will be. Too often in the past, I have allowed the male partner to define the relationship, with sometimes—no—often disastrous and damaging results to me. Allowing such disrespect is the same as handing over one’s power and taking NO responsibility at all. In accordance with the readings, I have begun the process of reclaiming myself, my power, and resacrilizing my body and sexuality. I believe that this is a matter of responsibility that many women, even today, do not embrace, not fully at any rate. We have not come nearly as far as we would like to think. It is vital that women begin to take responsibility and be aware of the messages that they are being sold in this culture. It is time to re-own ourselves in all the myriad aspects of being woman.
Spiritual responsibility will differ from woman to woman; there cannot nor should there be one way of manifesting something as momentous and important as how we speak out truth. I can only speak for myself. For me, such responsibility is first accepting that my connection to spirit is intense in nature and important to me. Second, I must accept that my spirit connection is and will appear unique or odd to others. In this second point, according to my natal chart, is where much of my work will need to be done. It is my responsibility to take what I know and see and translate it into word forms that make sense to others; it is my belief that I have done much work in this limitation already but will continue to find tools that facilitate this. Third, it is my responsibility to hold fast to my vision of what spirit is for me and not allow myself to be swayed by fear or the exhortations of others. And fourth, I must continue to keep at bay the nagging voices that tell me that I have nothing of value to share with others. This is a hard one for me.
There are several ways that I cultivate my garden. One of the most obvious rafts is my connection to nature. It is in natural places that I find peace and serenity. I know that I am terribly out of balance if I cannot still the worries and appreciate the sights, smells, and vibrations of the outdoors, such interaction acts as a wonderful barometer for me. Another way that I cultivate my garden is appreciating the truly good friends I have. Their presence is important to my ability to remain centered. I have the sort of friends who will take me to task for not using the tools I have at my disposal. It takes a genuine friend to tell one that one is being a stupid-shit I also nurture my inner-sanctuary through reading and listening to music that takes my soul to beautiful places. There are also movies that serve the same purpose. I recently watched a movie called, Giant Step, which was extraordinary. The movie Baraka is similar in the power and beauty of the images and the ability to touch the soul. Responsibility comes into play here as it is our job to filter what comes into our realties as much as we can.
These nurturing actions are all simple in theory but sometimes difficult to execute. One of the main impediments to living more often and more fully in my garden is time. It seems that there are so many things the “need doing” all the time. Still, this is where the responsibility comes into play; I simply need to organize and make time. Money is often impedance—there is never enough of that either. Still, this too is an excuse; there is always a way.
I have come to realize that one of my biggest distractions to cultivating my garden is my preoccupation with intimate relationships or more accurately—my lack of one. It is rather embarrassing to admit that such a matter is causing me to be distracted from my path given what we are studying! However, after reading my natal chart and the discussion attached to it, I realize that my intensity is not limited to my spirit-connection but trickles out to most areas of my life. Why am I so surprised that my need for companionship and physical touch is equally intense? It is in looking at these different aspects that it becomes apparent that spiritual maturity and responsibility is as much about being honest about my own nature as it is about manifesting what I know outwardly to help others.
In connection with the intensity and need for a relationship there is the responsibility of deciding exactly how I want such intimacy to occur and what the parameters will be. Too often in the past, I have allowed the male partner to define the relationship, with sometimes—no—often disastrous and damaging results to me. Allowing such disrespect is the same as handing over one’s power and taking NO responsibility at all. In accordance with the readings, I have begun the process of reclaiming myself, my power, and resacrilizing my body and sexuality. I believe that this is a matter of responsibility that many women, even today, do not embrace, not fully at any rate. We have not come nearly as far as we would like to think. It is vital that women begin to take responsibility and be aware of the messages that they are being sold in this culture. It is time to re-own ourselves in all the myriad aspects of being woman.
Journal Entry
Journal
During the course of this module, I have begun questioning, even more deeply than before, just how much of what I think, feel, and believe about myself and my spirituality is actually mine. I am wondering how much of who I am has been shaped by the patriarchy, which infuses nearly all of our social institutions. I do not know at present. The ego self keeps telling me that I am a well-educated woman who has been exposed to new ideas, new images, and a new way of knowing the world and cannot possibly still be a mostly mindless product of the current culture. My soul is not so sure. I still catch myself buying into old ideas about appearance, behaviors, and self-worth. How can this be?
I have begun questioning whether it is possible to be truly authentic given the constant bombardment of patriarchal messages everywhere one turns, and more distressing, how does one know one way or the other? I resonated strongly with the quote from Georgia O’Keeffe in which she questioned her art: “Before I put brush to canvas, I question ‘Is this mine? Is it influenced by some idea I have acquired from some man?’” (p.318). Perhaps it is as simple as deciding that one has changed and is following a personal course separate from the common and accepted one. Still, this seems a possible road to a pleasant self-deception. Am I saying that we should just chuck it all and not worry about continuing the work of re-owning the Goddess and thus ourselves? Most definitely not!
My concern is that unless the Goddess enters into everyday mythology we can never really have a new way of perceiving ourselves. The Goddess must become as common-place, as interwoven, into the fabric of our culture as the male God to shift our culture into a more connected, more relational space.
The very fact that much of the artwork in this book is from the eighties and nineties and even earlier gives my concern some validity: where is the shift to the new iconography? I still do not see the Goddess portrayed in art very often, at least in mainstream culture. Where is she and why is she still not a part of our everyday lives? These are, I think, very crucial question to our survival as a species. I think that before the male iconography can evolve into more cooperative, relational images the Goddess must be omnipresent, in a word, accepted as just as important and valid—and just as common--a symbol as the male partriachial image. Until that happens, I feel that we will be fighting a constant battle with the culture and ourselves. We will grapple with the question of whether we are thinking in an entirely new way or merely being reactive to the male-dominated culture, which leaves us still in its grip!
Another problem that remains is that young women (at least the ones I am meeting) are moving farther away from the Goddess, for the most part. Many of them are still very caught up in looking, dressing, and acting in ways that are pleasing to men. If asked why they wear what they do, etc. they just shrug. They do not think beyond the billboard. The lack of Goddess iconography as a cultural norm is certainly a large part of this relapse back into compliance. I had an interesting conversation with a man in his late forties recently on this subject. He truly believes that as women continue to wear provocative clothing and act sexual they are reclaiming their power. Perhaps, but if they are not thinking past the magazines and pleasing a potential male, are they claiming power or just doing exactly what male culture wants and expects from them? I feel strongly that they are falling into the same old trap of compliance and subjugation—just presented in a more attractive package, one that feeds the ego and pseudo intelligence.
Of course, there are bright spots in our culture. The company that creates Dove products has begun a “Campaign for Real Beauty,” which features actual women of all ages rather than professional models. By promoting all ages, all bodies, and all appearances as beautiful in a mass-media format, they are helping to reimage woman. We, as a culture, are slow to learn and change. I suspect that because we are such a media and information-based society that such campaigns will be the most effective way to integrate images of the Goddess into our culture, but I think it will take some time. I have also spoken with young men, and I am encouraged. They seem to be looking beyond the television and magazine for their ideas of what women are. Perhaps with such widening of the cultural lens, the Goddess can more easily join the male God in shaping our future culture. I hope so. There needs be a shift to a gentler, more inclusive paradigm.
Men need the Goddess for many reasons. First, it is important for them to understand that women are real—flesh and blood with imperfections—not the slick, false images portrayed by the media. That understanding alone may help women stop abusing themselves to fit into unrealistic molds that damage body and soul. Second, men need the Goddess to show them that there is another path to follow—it may show men that they do not all have to embark on the hero’s quest to conquest and thus give them a new identity of what a man is. Perhaps as the mythology surrounding what “manly” behavior evolves and changes, there will be more room for the Goddess to be part of their iconography.
I do not think that this will happen overnight. There is still significant work to be done. I would like to see more exhibitions of Goddess work in mainstream galleries. I have seen some more recent work but the general tone has been one of cartoonish fluffiness. I would like to see some of the strong, moving work become well-known and part of our culture. An encouraging trend I have noticed is that the Earth Mother is becoming part of our iconography albeit mostly through advertisements for “green” products but with our media-driven society this can be viewed as a step in the right direction, at least.
Judy Chicago and Judith Anderson both create work that resonates with strength and beauty. Judy Chicago’s work resonates for me in the sense of joyful power it extrudes. I cannot remain sad or hopeless when looking at her work. She graphically makes the connection between Mother Earth and the survival of the planet. Her work also shows the regenerative strength and beauty of women. She tells the story of women’s pain, women’s experience. I feel powerful when contemplating her images. The images are also so beautifully, freely sexual in a celebratory, exuberant and healthy way; I want to love myself and others in such a way.
Judith Anderson’s work appeals to my love of Gaia. For me, this is the most direct path to my own power and grounding as a woman on this planet. Her work brings tears to my eyes; I am so moved by the images of women intertwined with nature. I particularly appreciate how often the women in Anderson’s work are crones. I feel that there is an urgent need for the Crone to re-emerge as beautiful wisdom in our culture, fixated as we are on youthful (and ignorant) sexiness. We are in need of wisdom now as never before.
Given our culture’s state of existence in adolescence, as it were, we need the Goddess’ wisdom and messages of interconnectedness, relating, and strength to help us move into cosmic adulthood. Until we leave the physicality and selfishness of youth as a culture, it will remain difficult to change the base from which we interact with one another and our planet.
Ideally, our cosmology would take the form of valuing all beings equally. To stop stratifying people, customs, and beings of all kinds would be an excellent start. Without the need to categorize, stereotype, and judge, a more egalitarian society might emerge. We would begin valuing relationships over material possessions. The Earth would truly become viewed as our Mother and care and respect of her would be common-place. Learning would be individualized and revered. All beings would be seen as our teachers and we as students. Would it be perfect? No, of course not; we are human with all the emotions and desires that go along with it, but we could shift our emphasis toward cooperation and relating more often than not. I see a cosmology of respect for all beings-sentient or not, male or female, old or young. Life would once again become sacred.
During the course of this module, I have begun questioning, even more deeply than before, just how much of what I think, feel, and believe about myself and my spirituality is actually mine. I am wondering how much of who I am has been shaped by the patriarchy, which infuses nearly all of our social institutions. I do not know at present. The ego self keeps telling me that I am a well-educated woman who has been exposed to new ideas, new images, and a new way of knowing the world and cannot possibly still be a mostly mindless product of the current culture. My soul is not so sure. I still catch myself buying into old ideas about appearance, behaviors, and self-worth. How can this be?
I have begun questioning whether it is possible to be truly authentic given the constant bombardment of patriarchal messages everywhere one turns, and more distressing, how does one know one way or the other? I resonated strongly with the quote from Georgia O’Keeffe in which she questioned her art: “Before I put brush to canvas, I question ‘Is this mine? Is it influenced by some idea I have acquired from some man?’” (p.318). Perhaps it is as simple as deciding that one has changed and is following a personal course separate from the common and accepted one. Still, this seems a possible road to a pleasant self-deception. Am I saying that we should just chuck it all and not worry about continuing the work of re-owning the Goddess and thus ourselves? Most definitely not!
My concern is that unless the Goddess enters into everyday mythology we can never really have a new way of perceiving ourselves. The Goddess must become as common-place, as interwoven, into the fabric of our culture as the male God to shift our culture into a more connected, more relational space.
The very fact that much of the artwork in this book is from the eighties and nineties and even earlier gives my concern some validity: where is the shift to the new iconography? I still do not see the Goddess portrayed in art very often, at least in mainstream culture. Where is she and why is she still not a part of our everyday lives? These are, I think, very crucial question to our survival as a species. I think that before the male iconography can evolve into more cooperative, relational images the Goddess must be omnipresent, in a word, accepted as just as important and valid—and just as common--a symbol as the male partriachial image. Until that happens, I feel that we will be fighting a constant battle with the culture and ourselves. We will grapple with the question of whether we are thinking in an entirely new way or merely being reactive to the male-dominated culture, which leaves us still in its grip!
Another problem that remains is that young women (at least the ones I am meeting) are moving farther away from the Goddess, for the most part. Many of them are still very caught up in looking, dressing, and acting in ways that are pleasing to men. If asked why they wear what they do, etc. they just shrug. They do not think beyond the billboard. The lack of Goddess iconography as a cultural norm is certainly a large part of this relapse back into compliance. I had an interesting conversation with a man in his late forties recently on this subject. He truly believes that as women continue to wear provocative clothing and act sexual they are reclaiming their power. Perhaps, but if they are not thinking past the magazines and pleasing a potential male, are they claiming power or just doing exactly what male culture wants and expects from them? I feel strongly that they are falling into the same old trap of compliance and subjugation—just presented in a more attractive package, one that feeds the ego and pseudo intelligence.
Of course, there are bright spots in our culture. The company that creates Dove products has begun a “Campaign for Real Beauty,” which features actual women of all ages rather than professional models. By promoting all ages, all bodies, and all appearances as beautiful in a mass-media format, they are helping to reimage woman. We, as a culture, are slow to learn and change. I suspect that because we are such a media and information-based society that such campaigns will be the most effective way to integrate images of the Goddess into our culture, but I think it will take some time. I have also spoken with young men, and I am encouraged. They seem to be looking beyond the television and magazine for their ideas of what women are. Perhaps with such widening of the cultural lens, the Goddess can more easily join the male God in shaping our future culture. I hope so. There needs be a shift to a gentler, more inclusive paradigm.
Men need the Goddess for many reasons. First, it is important for them to understand that women are real—flesh and blood with imperfections—not the slick, false images portrayed by the media. That understanding alone may help women stop abusing themselves to fit into unrealistic molds that damage body and soul. Second, men need the Goddess to show them that there is another path to follow—it may show men that they do not all have to embark on the hero’s quest to conquest and thus give them a new identity of what a man is. Perhaps as the mythology surrounding what “manly” behavior evolves and changes, there will be more room for the Goddess to be part of their iconography.
I do not think that this will happen overnight. There is still significant work to be done. I would like to see more exhibitions of Goddess work in mainstream galleries. I have seen some more recent work but the general tone has been one of cartoonish fluffiness. I would like to see some of the strong, moving work become well-known and part of our culture. An encouraging trend I have noticed is that the Earth Mother is becoming part of our iconography albeit mostly through advertisements for “green” products but with our media-driven society this can be viewed as a step in the right direction, at least.
Judy Chicago and Judith Anderson both create work that resonates with strength and beauty. Judy Chicago’s work resonates for me in the sense of joyful power it extrudes. I cannot remain sad or hopeless when looking at her work. She graphically makes the connection between Mother Earth and the survival of the planet. Her work also shows the regenerative strength and beauty of women. She tells the story of women’s pain, women’s experience. I feel powerful when contemplating her images. The images are also so beautifully, freely sexual in a celebratory, exuberant and healthy way; I want to love myself and others in such a way.
Judith Anderson’s work appeals to my love of Gaia. For me, this is the most direct path to my own power and grounding as a woman on this planet. Her work brings tears to my eyes; I am so moved by the images of women intertwined with nature. I particularly appreciate how often the women in Anderson’s work are crones. I feel that there is an urgent need for the Crone to re-emerge as beautiful wisdom in our culture, fixated as we are on youthful (and ignorant) sexiness. We are in need of wisdom now as never before.
Given our culture’s state of existence in adolescence, as it were, we need the Goddess’ wisdom and messages of interconnectedness, relating, and strength to help us move into cosmic adulthood. Until we leave the physicality and selfishness of youth as a culture, it will remain difficult to change the base from which we interact with one another and our planet.
Ideally, our cosmology would take the form of valuing all beings equally. To stop stratifying people, customs, and beings of all kinds would be an excellent start. Without the need to categorize, stereotype, and judge, a more egalitarian society might emerge. We would begin valuing relationships over material possessions. The Earth would truly become viewed as our Mother and care and respect of her would be common-place. Learning would be individualized and revered. All beings would be seen as our teachers and we as students. Would it be perfect? No, of course not; we are human with all the emotions and desires that go along with it, but we could shift our emphasis toward cooperation and relating more often than not. I see a cosmology of respect for all beings-sentient or not, male or female, old or young. Life would once again become sacred.
Story to Young Women
Story
I respectfully ask permission to tell this circle of women my story. I ask the Grandmothers and the young ones to allow me to share what I have learned about being a woman, the good things and the not-so-good things. Perhaps the young women amongst us can learn something that will help them in the future, but I suspect that each of them will have to live their stories through their own mistakes and their particular descents, sacrifices, and returns. Ah well, so it usually is. To begin:
I believe that the lifespan of my marriage was one long cycle of descent, sacrifice, and return with individual events that created their own cycles. The marriage itself was a cycle that took most of a lifetime to run its course and outlive its usefulness and to teach me what I needed to know to return home to myself. Truly, marriage is like the interlocking spirals of our DNA; it has a life all its own.
I married very young, too young. I entered into this most serious and holy union a virgin in the sense that my ideals, hopes, and dreams were still new and untarnished. I had not yet tasted the bitterness of descent of any kind. Like all very young women, girl really, I had a vision of a perfect life: the white picket fence, the dog in the yard, and beautiful, well-behaved children. My young husband was so handsome and all his words were just right and exactly what I needed and wanted to hear (and take heed of men like this….often there is little substance behind such perfection).
The first vague sense of uneasiness began to manifest itself into my consciousness about five years into the marriage. I had begun suspecting that many of the beautiful words my young husband had told me were lies; I could not, at that time, put my finger on why I felt this way. Such thoughts seemed a betrayal and so I pushed them deep down where I could pretend they did not exist. I decided to throw myself into being a good wife and mother to my two small sons. This seemed to me a good solution. I believed if I just became…more… everything would be alright. If I just completely “bought” into the local mores and dictates of what a “good and proper” wife looked like, acted like, things would improve and I would be happy. (A caution here young women: take a good, hard look at what you are “owning” and make sure it is yours to hold and not someone else’s.)
Living this way, not being true to my nature, and ignoring my need for mental stimulation, activities that challenged, and not allowing myself my more esoteric interests created a soul-deep and painful descent within the larger framework of the cycle of descent, sacrifice, and return of my married life, which caused me to lose myself for a very long time. The wise writer, Penelope Washburn, suggests that women need to retain a sense of uniqueness and autonomy to experience marriage with any sort of grace (p. 84); I did not have such inner-resources. My own culture did not teach such things nor would have likely condoned it. Women’s jobs were to be “helpmates” to their husbands and to raise children. My descent into depression of the truly dark, debilitating kind was a long one, and it was horribly compounded by the knowledge that I had followed my cultures dictates into a life I was eminently unsuited for. Depression and guilt were my constant companions; I went nowhere without them. Unlike Persephone, I did not have a mother who would descend to the depths and lead me back to the light and teach me balance. My poor, much-loved mother lives in her own Hades of unhappiness and depression. Who will rescue her?
Living in such a blind and dishonest way, I lost my soul for a time and had no path to follow. I looked miserable and felt hopeless. I lacked the courage to take my dissatisfaction and unhappiness out and look at them; I refused to accept my culpability in my unhappiness. (If you take nothing else from my story, think on the importance of courage!) By refusing to examine my inner-self, I began sacrificing my most essential being on the altar of “fitting in.” I believed, on some unenlightened level, that by forcing myself into a mold that hurt me, I was doing the “right thing” for my children. My dearest friend and amazing wise woman, Kelly, asked me at the time, “But, what are you teaching them about living life and about relationships by not becoming who you really are?” I was not ready to begin the ascent at the time; I stayed in the dark place of self-pitying sacrifice for a very long time.
Those years were dark and unhappy indeed. However, slowly, slowly I began the ascent to the light of self-knowledge and the beginnings of self-acceptance. Returning to school was the largest act of courage I had ever enacted and saved my life because at the same time, my life with the handsome husband was becoming increasingly difficult and soul-deadening. My suspicions about the pretty words and deeds were indeed correct: my handsome young husband was a pathological liar and classic narcissist. I learned that he was indeed young and would always remain so, at least in his psyche and mind; I realized that I was parenting him and not well.
It is an excellent thing (for me) that I was well into the middle of my ascent back to the light of my most authentic self during the last years of this long learning cycle because I was to be dropped into a new descent, sacrifice, and return cycle—one of those interlocking spiral events I mentioned earlier. The handsome young husband began acting strangely. He stayed out all night more and more often, something he had never done before. I would get angry and demand to know where he was and what he was doing; these confrontations resulted in his holding me down twice and forcibly raping me. He broke my arm. It was a bad time. I was suddenly and without warning evicted from my home and the business we had was lost. The husband was finally arrested and his drug addiction to Methamphetimes came to light.
I was angry for a long time about the losses suffered—too angry to see the lessons the universe was teaching me. Finally though, I came to a place of acceptance (I began ascending from the darkness—yet again) and began looking at the event without the emotional storm that had previously surrounded it. I discovered that I needed to base my self-worth on whom I was, not what I had. I had become rather arrogant in my material belongings; I preened. I was self-congratulatory about my large house, handsome husband (liar though he was); I had been taking much of my identity from things outside myself rather than nurturing the seed of my most authentic self and becoming that woman, that spirit.
I made much progress (but alas, not enough!) during those introspection days. I stayed with the handsome husband because I reasoned that everyone has flaws and things to heal and mend my own self especially. I realize in retrospect that I had not truly returned to myself by making the decision to stay with him; it was a fear-based decision and thus a poor one: I still did not believe in my own efficacy and power. Ascent and return takes a very long time, indeed, I think it never really ends.
The marriage was never the same; of course not, how could it be? I tried very hard to be more of what he said he wanted (see, young ones, how easy it is to fall back into descent and sacrifice—courage, diligence, and self-awareness need be always foremost in your lives!). I knew, in my most honest inner-self that I was telling myself lies this time; I could not remain in this cycle and survive intact. However, old conditioning urged me to continue to try. Finally, the handsome husband’s very young, Jamaican girlfriend called and released me from my self-created prison, and I was free to rise up and reclaim my light! I learned courage and the need to strive for wholeness. I began to wonder what a healthy relationship might look like (I have not experienced that one yet). I started to reclaim my long-forgotten gifts. I learned to value being alone and being more than ok with it and all this is only the beginning!
I see some of the grandmothers nodding their heads in recognition; my story is not original; it has been enacted many times, with many women, in many times. But, this is MY story and thus important to me. It is my wish that by sharing it with other women there can be some descents avoided and if not, and I suspect not—there is hope for wholeness and there is proof that there is a return. There is, I swear it.
I respectfully ask permission to tell this circle of women my story. I ask the Grandmothers and the young ones to allow me to share what I have learned about being a woman, the good things and the not-so-good things. Perhaps the young women amongst us can learn something that will help them in the future, but I suspect that each of them will have to live their stories through their own mistakes and their particular descents, sacrifices, and returns. Ah well, so it usually is. To begin:
I believe that the lifespan of my marriage was one long cycle of descent, sacrifice, and return with individual events that created their own cycles. The marriage itself was a cycle that took most of a lifetime to run its course and outlive its usefulness and to teach me what I needed to know to return home to myself. Truly, marriage is like the interlocking spirals of our DNA; it has a life all its own.
I married very young, too young. I entered into this most serious and holy union a virgin in the sense that my ideals, hopes, and dreams were still new and untarnished. I had not yet tasted the bitterness of descent of any kind. Like all very young women, girl really, I had a vision of a perfect life: the white picket fence, the dog in the yard, and beautiful, well-behaved children. My young husband was so handsome and all his words were just right and exactly what I needed and wanted to hear (and take heed of men like this….often there is little substance behind such perfection).
The first vague sense of uneasiness began to manifest itself into my consciousness about five years into the marriage. I had begun suspecting that many of the beautiful words my young husband had told me were lies; I could not, at that time, put my finger on why I felt this way. Such thoughts seemed a betrayal and so I pushed them deep down where I could pretend they did not exist. I decided to throw myself into being a good wife and mother to my two small sons. This seemed to me a good solution. I believed if I just became…more… everything would be alright. If I just completely “bought” into the local mores and dictates of what a “good and proper” wife looked like, acted like, things would improve and I would be happy. (A caution here young women: take a good, hard look at what you are “owning” and make sure it is yours to hold and not someone else’s.)
Living this way, not being true to my nature, and ignoring my need for mental stimulation, activities that challenged, and not allowing myself my more esoteric interests created a soul-deep and painful descent within the larger framework of the cycle of descent, sacrifice, and return of my married life, which caused me to lose myself for a very long time. The wise writer, Penelope Washburn, suggests that women need to retain a sense of uniqueness and autonomy to experience marriage with any sort of grace (p. 84); I did not have such inner-resources. My own culture did not teach such things nor would have likely condoned it. Women’s jobs were to be “helpmates” to their husbands and to raise children. My descent into depression of the truly dark, debilitating kind was a long one, and it was horribly compounded by the knowledge that I had followed my cultures dictates into a life I was eminently unsuited for. Depression and guilt were my constant companions; I went nowhere without them. Unlike Persephone, I did not have a mother who would descend to the depths and lead me back to the light and teach me balance. My poor, much-loved mother lives in her own Hades of unhappiness and depression. Who will rescue her?
Living in such a blind and dishonest way, I lost my soul for a time and had no path to follow. I looked miserable and felt hopeless. I lacked the courage to take my dissatisfaction and unhappiness out and look at them; I refused to accept my culpability in my unhappiness. (If you take nothing else from my story, think on the importance of courage!) By refusing to examine my inner-self, I began sacrificing my most essential being on the altar of “fitting in.” I believed, on some unenlightened level, that by forcing myself into a mold that hurt me, I was doing the “right thing” for my children. My dearest friend and amazing wise woman, Kelly, asked me at the time, “But, what are you teaching them about living life and about relationships by not becoming who you really are?” I was not ready to begin the ascent at the time; I stayed in the dark place of self-pitying sacrifice for a very long time.
Those years were dark and unhappy indeed. However, slowly, slowly I began the ascent to the light of self-knowledge and the beginnings of self-acceptance. Returning to school was the largest act of courage I had ever enacted and saved my life because at the same time, my life with the handsome husband was becoming increasingly difficult and soul-deadening. My suspicions about the pretty words and deeds were indeed correct: my handsome young husband was a pathological liar and classic narcissist. I learned that he was indeed young and would always remain so, at least in his psyche and mind; I realized that I was parenting him and not well.
It is an excellent thing (for me) that I was well into the middle of my ascent back to the light of my most authentic self during the last years of this long learning cycle because I was to be dropped into a new descent, sacrifice, and return cycle—one of those interlocking spiral events I mentioned earlier. The handsome young husband began acting strangely. He stayed out all night more and more often, something he had never done before. I would get angry and demand to know where he was and what he was doing; these confrontations resulted in his holding me down twice and forcibly raping me. He broke my arm. It was a bad time. I was suddenly and without warning evicted from my home and the business we had was lost. The husband was finally arrested and his drug addiction to Methamphetimes came to light.
I was angry for a long time about the losses suffered—too angry to see the lessons the universe was teaching me. Finally though, I came to a place of acceptance (I began ascending from the darkness—yet again) and began looking at the event without the emotional storm that had previously surrounded it. I discovered that I needed to base my self-worth on whom I was, not what I had. I had become rather arrogant in my material belongings; I preened. I was self-congratulatory about my large house, handsome husband (liar though he was); I had been taking much of my identity from things outside myself rather than nurturing the seed of my most authentic self and becoming that woman, that spirit.
I made much progress (but alas, not enough!) during those introspection days. I stayed with the handsome husband because I reasoned that everyone has flaws and things to heal and mend my own self especially. I realize in retrospect that I had not truly returned to myself by making the decision to stay with him; it was a fear-based decision and thus a poor one: I still did not believe in my own efficacy and power. Ascent and return takes a very long time, indeed, I think it never really ends.
The marriage was never the same; of course not, how could it be? I tried very hard to be more of what he said he wanted (see, young ones, how easy it is to fall back into descent and sacrifice—courage, diligence, and self-awareness need be always foremost in your lives!). I knew, in my most honest inner-self that I was telling myself lies this time; I could not remain in this cycle and survive intact. However, old conditioning urged me to continue to try. Finally, the handsome husband’s very young, Jamaican girlfriend called and released me from my self-created prison, and I was free to rise up and reclaim my light! I learned courage and the need to strive for wholeness. I began to wonder what a healthy relationship might look like (I have not experienced that one yet). I started to reclaim my long-forgotten gifts. I learned to value being alone and being more than ok with it and all this is only the beginning!
I see some of the grandmothers nodding their heads in recognition; my story is not original; it has been enacted many times, with many women, in many times. But, this is MY story and thus important to me. It is my wish that by sharing it with other women there can be some descents avoided and if not, and I suspect not—there is hope for wholeness and there is proof that there is a return. There is, I swear it.
Rite of Passage--Turning 50
Rite of Passage (or Turning 50: A Juicy Crone)
I do think it is one of the ills of our current culture that there are so few “official” rites of passage. The markers from childhood to young adulthood are so fuzzy as to be indistinct, which creates, I think, an extended adolescence. Without these markers, it is easy to stay dependent on others for so many things—money, housing, but most detrimentally—thinking.
With such an extended adolescence comes the fixation on youthfulness in our culture, perhaps if our culture had official markers the elderly would be revered rather than forgotten or even reviled. If one could pass into a “wisdom holder” stage with age, the value of all people might remain intact. I suspect so anyway.
Because I am working on accepting the aging process, and I do not love it at present, I have decided to create my own rite of passage when I turn fifty, which is only four years away. Goddess, but that sounds old. I want to approach the half century mark with joy rather than dread.
To this end, I plan to begin by having a gathering of women of all ages that I like, a party atmosphere with lots of laughing, talking, drinking, and eating. It need not even be my birthday. The purpose to this party is more of a send off: I want to go to India for a whole month and live in an ashram.
I do think it is one of the ills of our current culture that there are so few “official” rites of passage. The markers from childhood to young adulthood are so fuzzy as to be indistinct, which creates, I think, an extended adolescence. Without these markers, it is easy to stay dependent on others for so many things—money, housing, but most detrimentally—thinking.
With such an extended adolescence comes the fixation on youthfulness in our culture, perhaps if our culture had official markers the elderly would be revered rather than forgotten or even reviled. If one could pass into a “wisdom holder” stage with age, the value of all people might remain intact. I suspect so anyway.
Because I am working on accepting the aging process, and I do not love it at present, I have decided to create my own rite of passage when I turn fifty, which is only four years away. Goddess, but that sounds old. I want to approach the half century mark with joy rather than dread.
To this end, I plan to begin by having a gathering of women of all ages that I like, a party atmosphere with lots of laughing, talking, drinking, and eating. It need not even be my birthday. The purpose to this party is more of a send off: I want to go to India for a whole month and live in an ashram.
Letter of Initiation
Assignment D
Dear One,
Welcome young sister! Welcome to the beginning of learning of what a woman is. It is a journey of great strength and great blessings. As your body makes this magnificent transition from girl-child to woman, revel in the changes and know that they are good. This marker is just the beginning-point on a journey of laughter, tears, joy, and pain; it is life lived in vitality and fullness. Little sister, know that you are surrounded with loving, older sister-friends who welcome and support you in your becoming woman. It is this common thread of bleeding that connects us all with an unbreakable cord of unity.
Young one, becoming woman is about owning yourself and learning your strengths and your weaknesses. To be a woman is to be strong, graceful, and yes, forceful when necessary. It is also about setting boundaries with others; it is for you to decide what is acceptable to your woman-self. Let no one tell you that you cannot: cannot achieve, cannot create, and cannot be enough just as you are. Do not hide your womanly self, be bold, be strong, be gentle, be fierce and be love.
During your bleeding time, know that you are intimately connected to our mother the earth. Your blood is her blood. Honor her and yourself by giving yourself time alone to rest, relax, and meditate on what your life means and where you wish to go. Do not allow others to tell you what that means or how it should look or be; your gifts of language, creativity, and joyfulness will take you to the destination that you choose. Know Daughter that your very being is essential to the fabric of life and the world cannot do without you. Be your most authentic woman-self. Be grateful for your womanhood. Define yourself and love yourself. You are magnificent. You are perfect just as you are.
You are welcomed with love!
Lori
Grandmother Journal
Journey Reflection
Grandmother piece
While reading the material for the journey assignment, I connected with it in terms of journeys of the heart rather than to physical places. My thoughts immediately centered on my own life journey and those who have influenced, or carried, and loved me along the way thus far. While reflecting about the many sorts of journeys one can take, the subject of love came foremost to my mind and with that came the thought of my grandmother. My grandmother, Hattie, was the one person with whom I felt unequivocally, unconditionally loved. Connecting my grandmother and journeys really came about because the idea of love’s journey is symbolized by weekend trips to my grandmother’s house. Now, my Grandma only lived about twenty minutes away, so there was no actual “journey” or trip involved in a real, physical sense going there, but the difference emotionally was as if I truly went somewhere else. All this is not to say that I was abused at home or even unloved, but there was a difference in the sense of love and safety that going to grandma’s house created.
When I began creating the piece, I felt a strong need to use watercolor to create the figure of the grandmother in the center. The softness and blend ability of the medium perfectly reflected the emotional attachment that my grandmother and I shared. Whenever I think of my grandma, I see her quilted, pink robe with the crystal buttons down the front, which she wrapped around me in the cool, early morning. This soft pink color represents safety and love to me.
Underneath the “old woman, grandmother energy” my grandmother most assuredly had, there was and is (when she visits me) a joyful, playful energy. There is a part of my grandmother that is butterflies, hummingbirds, flowers, and fairies. It is this youthful energy that comes to me when I meditate, along with humming birds that fly into my “face” whenever I need reminding to feel joy. I draped floral, gauzy fabric around the figure holding the baby, who is me, of course, because that represents her essential being: light, joyful, and young. The stickers are the bright, incandescent type to represent those qualities.
I had little “choice” in this piece; it simply became. The piece symbolizes all of love’s voyages for me and what I wish to create in my ongoing relationships and future relationship journeys. And reminds me that life, attitude, and the passage through are what I make them.
Embracing Being an Older Woman
In a culture that reveres youth, aging is generally viewed with repugnance and as something to be avoided at all costs. The penalty for aging is particularly high for women in today’s world. Older women can be, and often are, viewed as unattractive, matronly, and worse: not seen at all. Matters are not helped by the media’s depiction of supposedly older women in beauty and wrinkle treatment advertisements that proclaim that “forty is the new thirty.” Whereas on the surface this appears to be a sort of tacit permission to age and that one can be sexy no matter one’s age, the reality is rarely do any of these actresses have any natural signs of aging whatsoever. Of course, the message is unrealistic and meant to sell products; and more insidiously dangerous, Kilbourne (1999) suggests that advertising is an active creator of society rather than a mirror simply reflecting the culture’s values (p.67).
However, more difficult to understand and to dismiss as unrealistic is the way advertising, the media, and the pursuit of beauty appears to have replaced religion in some senses. It might even be said that the pursuit of everlasting youth and beauty are components of the material religion. Kilbourne (1999) goes so far as to say, “Advertising is not only our physical environment, it is increasingly our spiritual environment as well. By definition, however, it is only interested in materialistic values” (p. 67). Wolf (2002) suggests the art and rites of beauty procedures have replaced religious rites in our media and youth-driven culture (pp. 87-92). Because the ideals of youth and beauty are so enmeshed in many aspects of the culture, it is difficult not to judge one’s self by the plastic versions of womanhood plastered on billboards and in magazines.
Given the often negative messages that middle-aged women receive from the culture at large, how do women no longer young and not yet old learn to accept themselves and achieve a sense of worth, beauty, and wholeness?
Perhaps what is needed is an alternative viewpoint that women can embrace and use as a means of transcending the cultural imperative of youthful beauty. For some women, exploring the goddess mythologies and most particularly the crone aspect can supply a different, more powerful meaning to being a “middle-aged” woman. The goddess mythologies provide a more in-depth and comprehensive view of femininity in all stages; the crone phase of the life of a woman does not have to be one of fading beauty, sexuality, or power. In fact, some comparative research by Sacks (1992) on middle-age women in various cultures states,
First and foremost, this is the time in which a woman enjoys her greatest power,
status, and autonomy. In some cultures this increase in power and status is gradual;
in others, there is sharp break with earlier requirements for women’s seclusion and deferential behavior. Second, both in societies that sharply oppress young women and those that have egalitarian gender ideologies, the freedom, prestige, and authority of women increases at middle age and comes closer to that of men than it did in earlier years. So, whether it is seen in relation to a woman’s own life or in relations to the lives of men of her culture and generation, middle age is a woman’s prime. (Cited in Ward, 2003, p.68).
With such modern emphasis on the exterior and the superficial, it is all too easy to forget that middle-aged women have much to offer: wisdom, beauty, and strength of character. It would appear that a balance must be struck between living within the culture and yet not embodying the culture. Goldberg (1991) sums this balance up,
Success means balancing out being successful in the world and getting caught up or
tossed away by it. Success to me is being able to handle it and got getting turned around by believing other people’s ideas about who I am—being able to keep it in balance and
keep my life in balance (Cited in Rountree, p.194).
Unfortunately, this balance is difficult to achieve for many modern women. The present, highly visually-centered culture gives women few meaningful roles and/or role models to help ease the transition from young woman to middle-age woman. Perera (1981) says, “We also feel unseen because there are not images alive to reflect our wholeness and variety” (p. 12).
Given the lack of realistic alternative versions in the public eye of what is beautiful, attractive, and acceptable, there appears nowhere to go but obscurity as beauty (as defined by popular culture) fades. Conversely, Ward (2003) states in times past and in some cultures presently, reaching middle-age or past into old-age was an achievement, one which imbued women with wisdom, strength, and power; women were the village wise-women, healers and mid-wives, and this was/is also the time that a women’s individuality is more freely expressed (pp. 68-70).
Despite the lack of roles to step into such as village healer or wise-woman, there are other means for transcending the media interpretation of what middle-aged women are and creating a sense of strength, power, and individuality. Such transitions often require introspection, work, and, ultimately, redefining one’s idea of womanhood at middle-age. Researching the crone in goddess mythology is one way to redefine oneself during the transition. Becoming a crone does not mean giving up one’s identity as a woman, only letting go of what no longer works or applies to one’s present circumstance.
In current imagination and present speech, the crone has been portrayed as hag, witch, or harridan—all uncomplimentary labels and meant to evoke fear. Silverman (2008, January 17) says that words such as crone or witch were once positive terms for older women who were leaders, mid-wives, and healers. She states that the Spanish Inquisition changed the meaning of these words to have negative connotations. Silverman also claims that a resurgence of interest in reclaiming the crone’s positive aspect is now present in our society (p. 2).
Embracing the transition from young woman to middle-aged woman necessitates accepting an ending of a version of one’s self but also acknowledging that one is still the same person in many significant ways. Bridges (2004) suggests while middle age often is a time of upheaval, transitions are not “(…) the result not just of new factors but of a mixture of old and new ones” (p. 40).
One of the new factors that some women face is the loss of youthful face and body that can seem so important for a sense of worth and sexiness according to much advertising and popular culture. Perhaps what is needed is a more “subversive” (Featherston, pp. 50-51) way of looking at the current culture. Featherston (1991) suggests looking at the “myths, traditions, and ideas that constitute normal in our culture, and questioning it, looking at it differently (…)” (p.51). Whereas the loss of acceptability by the standards of current culture does not always affect a woman’s inner sense of self significantly, for others it can be a difficult transition. Bridges quotes a seminar participant who sums up this dichotomy nicely, “’It’s the mirror that does it to you first, I think,’” said Betty on one of the final nights of the seminar. “’I still thought of myself as I had been ten years earlier, but one day I looked in the mirror and said, “Where’d you come from, old gal? What ever happened to Betty—the girl who used to live here?’” (p. 41).
As women are faced, quite literally, with evidence that they are no longer young or beautiful by today’s ever younger and increasingly rigid standards, something must replace the easy answer of face and body for a sense of worth. The study of various goddess and archetypes can be helpful in defining oneself as a still sexual, attractive, and powerful woman. Often what happens when one is transitioning from one archetype (maiden to mother to crone) to another is what Bolen (1984), says, “[sic] within a woman, the goddesses may vie among themselves, or one may rule” (p.266). Perhaps what must happen is that the older goddesses must gain supremacy in the group or what Bolen (1984) refers to as the “committee” (pp. 266-267).
As the positive notion of the crone takes a place in women’s collective consciousness, with the positive attributes of “wisdom, compassion, transformation, healing laughter, and bawdiness’ (Silverman, 2008, January 17), perhaps more women can ignore or at least give less weight to the current cultural imperative of everlasting youthfulness and flawless beauty and find delight and joy in being themselves as they age and embody the crone aspect of the goddess.
The rewards of such redefinition and ignoring the youth imperative may be great for some women. With enough years of experiences, both good and bad, a woman may experience resurgence in self-confidence to do as she pleases, do compassionate service, and enjoy the earthier aspects of what it means to be a woman. Razak (1991) tells of a friend’s mother who is a sexually-demanding mistress at age seventy and goes on to say, “I think that’s great; I aspire to be a sexually demanding sixty-or seventy-year-old!” (Cited in Rountree, 1991, p. 87). The crone phase honors this sense of bawdiness and freedom. Regardless of the mythology of the current youth-oriented and oftentimes unrealistic beauty standard, it would appear that older women can be sexy, powerful, and complete as they are.
The current culture would have us believe that only the young are sensual, sexual, vital and beautiful. Because the media and advertising still dictate what is desirable, many women will continue to strive to attain mostly unrealistic physical goals and detrimental ideals of appearance; sadly, some middle-aged women will never question the media-created image of what women should be but rarely in actuality are.
Perhaps by learning about and embracing the positive aspects of the crone, it may be possible for some women to transcend the rather narrow cultural view of what is acceptable, desirable, and powerful. The study of the crone goddesses may be helpful in defining what middle-age actually can be rather than what the current cultural myths would have us believe it is. Rising above the superficial, appearance-oriented, and quasi-religious beauty imperative by studying the older goddess forms may give middle-aged women a sense of the sacredness of experiencing life as an authentic woman rather than as a culturally acceptable mannequin.
References
Bolen, J. S. (1984). Goddesses in everywoman: A new psychology of women.
New York: Harper & Row.
Bridges, W. (2004). Transitions: Making sense of life’s changes (2nd ed).
Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press.
Featherston, E. (1991). In C. Rountree (Ed.) On women turning forty: Coming into our
fullness. Freedom CA: The Crossing Press.
Kilbourne, J. (1999). Can’t buy my love: How advertising changes the way we
look and feel. New York: Touchstone.
Perera, S. B. (1981). Descent to the goddess: A way of initiation for women.
Toronto, Canada: Inner City Books.
Razak, R. (1991). In C. Rountree (Ed.). On women turning forty: Coming into our
fullness. Freedom CA: The Crossing Press.
Silverman, A. (n.d.) The ancient crone. Crones Counsel Inc. Retrieved January 14, 2008
From http://www.cronescounsel.org/who/htm.
Ward, M. C. (2003). A world full of women (3rd ed). Boston: Pearson Education, Inc.
Wolf, N. (2002). The beauty myth: How images of beauty are used against women.
New York: HarperCollins.
However, more difficult to understand and to dismiss as unrealistic is the way advertising, the media, and the pursuit of beauty appears to have replaced religion in some senses. It might even be said that the pursuit of everlasting youth and beauty are components of the material religion. Kilbourne (1999) goes so far as to say, “Advertising is not only our physical environment, it is increasingly our spiritual environment as well. By definition, however, it is only interested in materialistic values” (p. 67). Wolf (2002) suggests the art and rites of beauty procedures have replaced religious rites in our media and youth-driven culture (pp. 87-92). Because the ideals of youth and beauty are so enmeshed in many aspects of the culture, it is difficult not to judge one’s self by the plastic versions of womanhood plastered on billboards and in magazines.
Given the often negative messages that middle-aged women receive from the culture at large, how do women no longer young and not yet old learn to accept themselves and achieve a sense of worth, beauty, and wholeness?
Perhaps what is needed is an alternative viewpoint that women can embrace and use as a means of transcending the cultural imperative of youthful beauty. For some women, exploring the goddess mythologies and most particularly the crone aspect can supply a different, more powerful meaning to being a “middle-aged” woman. The goddess mythologies provide a more in-depth and comprehensive view of femininity in all stages; the crone phase of the life of a woman does not have to be one of fading beauty, sexuality, or power. In fact, some comparative research by Sacks (1992) on middle-age women in various cultures states,
First and foremost, this is the time in which a woman enjoys her greatest power,
status, and autonomy. In some cultures this increase in power and status is gradual;
in others, there is sharp break with earlier requirements for women’s seclusion and deferential behavior. Second, both in societies that sharply oppress young women and those that have egalitarian gender ideologies, the freedom, prestige, and authority of women increases at middle age and comes closer to that of men than it did in earlier years. So, whether it is seen in relation to a woman’s own life or in relations to the lives of men of her culture and generation, middle age is a woman’s prime. (Cited in Ward, 2003, p.68).
With such modern emphasis on the exterior and the superficial, it is all too easy to forget that middle-aged women have much to offer: wisdom, beauty, and strength of character. It would appear that a balance must be struck between living within the culture and yet not embodying the culture. Goldberg (1991) sums this balance up,
Success means balancing out being successful in the world and getting caught up or
tossed away by it. Success to me is being able to handle it and got getting turned around by believing other people’s ideas about who I am—being able to keep it in balance and
keep my life in balance (Cited in Rountree, p.194).
Unfortunately, this balance is difficult to achieve for many modern women. The present, highly visually-centered culture gives women few meaningful roles and/or role models to help ease the transition from young woman to middle-age woman. Perera (1981) says, “We also feel unseen because there are not images alive to reflect our wholeness and variety” (p. 12).
Given the lack of realistic alternative versions in the public eye of what is beautiful, attractive, and acceptable, there appears nowhere to go but obscurity as beauty (as defined by popular culture) fades. Conversely, Ward (2003) states in times past and in some cultures presently, reaching middle-age or past into old-age was an achievement, one which imbued women with wisdom, strength, and power; women were the village wise-women, healers and mid-wives, and this was/is also the time that a women’s individuality is more freely expressed (pp. 68-70).
Despite the lack of roles to step into such as village healer or wise-woman, there are other means for transcending the media interpretation of what middle-aged women are and creating a sense of strength, power, and individuality. Such transitions often require introspection, work, and, ultimately, redefining one’s idea of womanhood at middle-age. Researching the crone in goddess mythology is one way to redefine oneself during the transition. Becoming a crone does not mean giving up one’s identity as a woman, only letting go of what no longer works or applies to one’s present circumstance.
In current imagination and present speech, the crone has been portrayed as hag, witch, or harridan—all uncomplimentary labels and meant to evoke fear. Silverman (2008, January 17) says that words such as crone or witch were once positive terms for older women who were leaders, mid-wives, and healers. She states that the Spanish Inquisition changed the meaning of these words to have negative connotations. Silverman also claims that a resurgence of interest in reclaiming the crone’s positive aspect is now present in our society (p. 2).
Embracing the transition from young woman to middle-aged woman necessitates accepting an ending of a version of one’s self but also acknowledging that one is still the same person in many significant ways. Bridges (2004) suggests while middle age often is a time of upheaval, transitions are not “(…) the result not just of new factors but of a mixture of old and new ones” (p. 40).
One of the new factors that some women face is the loss of youthful face and body that can seem so important for a sense of worth and sexiness according to much advertising and popular culture. Perhaps what is needed is a more “subversive” (Featherston, pp. 50-51) way of looking at the current culture. Featherston (1991) suggests looking at the “myths, traditions, and ideas that constitute normal in our culture, and questioning it, looking at it differently (…)” (p.51). Whereas the loss of acceptability by the standards of current culture does not always affect a woman’s inner sense of self significantly, for others it can be a difficult transition. Bridges quotes a seminar participant who sums up this dichotomy nicely, “’It’s the mirror that does it to you first, I think,’” said Betty on one of the final nights of the seminar. “’I still thought of myself as I had been ten years earlier, but one day I looked in the mirror and said, “Where’d you come from, old gal? What ever happened to Betty—the girl who used to live here?’” (p. 41).
As women are faced, quite literally, with evidence that they are no longer young or beautiful by today’s ever younger and increasingly rigid standards, something must replace the easy answer of face and body for a sense of worth. The study of various goddess and archetypes can be helpful in defining oneself as a still sexual, attractive, and powerful woman. Often what happens when one is transitioning from one archetype (maiden to mother to crone) to another is what Bolen (1984), says, “[sic] within a woman, the goddesses may vie among themselves, or one may rule” (p.266). Perhaps what must happen is that the older goddesses must gain supremacy in the group or what Bolen (1984) refers to as the “committee” (pp. 266-267).
As the positive notion of the crone takes a place in women’s collective consciousness, with the positive attributes of “wisdom, compassion, transformation, healing laughter, and bawdiness’ (Silverman, 2008, January 17), perhaps more women can ignore or at least give less weight to the current cultural imperative of everlasting youthfulness and flawless beauty and find delight and joy in being themselves as they age and embody the crone aspect of the goddess.
The rewards of such redefinition and ignoring the youth imperative may be great for some women. With enough years of experiences, both good and bad, a woman may experience resurgence in self-confidence to do as she pleases, do compassionate service, and enjoy the earthier aspects of what it means to be a woman. Razak (1991) tells of a friend’s mother who is a sexually-demanding mistress at age seventy and goes on to say, “I think that’s great; I aspire to be a sexually demanding sixty-or seventy-year-old!” (Cited in Rountree, 1991, p. 87). The crone phase honors this sense of bawdiness and freedom. Regardless of the mythology of the current youth-oriented and oftentimes unrealistic beauty standard, it would appear that older women can be sexy, powerful, and complete as they are.
The current culture would have us believe that only the young are sensual, sexual, vital and beautiful. Because the media and advertising still dictate what is desirable, many women will continue to strive to attain mostly unrealistic physical goals and detrimental ideals of appearance; sadly, some middle-aged women will never question the media-created image of what women should be but rarely in actuality are.
Perhaps by learning about and embracing the positive aspects of the crone, it may be possible for some women to transcend the rather narrow cultural view of what is acceptable, desirable, and powerful. The study of the crone goddesses may be helpful in defining what middle-age actually can be rather than what the current cultural myths would have us believe it is. Rising above the superficial, appearance-oriented, and quasi-religious beauty imperative by studying the older goddess forms may give middle-aged women a sense of the sacredness of experiencing life as an authentic woman rather than as a culturally acceptable mannequin.
References
Bolen, J. S. (1984). Goddesses in everywoman: A new psychology of women.
New York: Harper & Row.
Bridges, W. (2004). Transitions: Making sense of life’s changes (2nd ed).
Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press.
Featherston, E. (1991). In C. Rountree (Ed.) On women turning forty: Coming into our
fullness. Freedom CA: The Crossing Press.
Kilbourne, J. (1999). Can’t buy my love: How advertising changes the way we
look and feel. New York: Touchstone.
Perera, S. B. (1981). Descent to the goddess: A way of initiation for women.
Toronto, Canada: Inner City Books.
Razak, R. (1991). In C. Rountree (Ed.). On women turning forty: Coming into our
fullness. Freedom CA: The Crossing Press.
Silverman, A. (n.d.) The ancient crone. Crones Counsel Inc. Retrieved January 14, 2008
From http://www.cronescounsel.org/who/htm.
Ward, M. C. (2003). A world full of women (3rd ed). Boston: Pearson Education, Inc.
Wolf, N. (2002). The beauty myth: How images of beauty are used against women.
New York: HarperCollins.
Cultivate Maturity
Cultivate Maturity
It is interesting to me how often lessons seem to pop into our lives on cue I have been particularly enjoying the articles and chapters on resacralizing the feminine and the female body in particular. I loved all the readings but was completely captivated by Deena Metzger’s essay in To Be a Woman. I had been pondering how tragic it is for women to have their bodies seen as something dirty, something to be hidden away, the cause of social ills. I have been outraged for years by the dichotomous messages of our culture: sex is everywhere: ads, billboards, television, and yet women who too obviously indulge (“man-like” behaviors?) in sexual behavior are still whores. It was while reading the chapters on the animus and anima and the return of the Holy Prostitute that a man, who randomly shows up like the proverbial “bad penny,” called me. Now, he and I have a less-than-normal or pleasant history, having met online…a bad idea all around…and our conversation came around to sex (this was the problem all along—no respect for me as a human being).
During this conversation, he said something that has made me think hard about many things regarding femininity, the sacredness of the body, what spiritual maturity looks like, and how much damage the patriarchy has done to men, especially in this culture. While talking about his possible partner he is struggling to define his relationship with, he made the comment that while she shared his interest in sustainable farming, there was something lacking in the relationship when it came to passion. He then made a comment that rocked me back: he said: “It’s like you need someone for the daylight hours and someone else for the nighttime.” My first thought was how tragic that he perceives intimate relationships that way. How dichotomous and torn. The more I pondered this interesting, and distasteful, conversation the more I could see that some men are still caught up in the “Madonna and Whore” syndrome. Dark and light. Good and Bad. Black and white thinking to the nth degree. The inability to see a woman as whole and full of potential lies at the root of much pain in relationships, never mind the societal implications!
While I could go on and on about the social ills caused by these kind of male power plays and the damage they do to women and most assuredly they do and have, I have been thinking about how damaged such men are. To live internally so split and torn and to see other beings as halves to be used. At a soul level, this is like a sickness to me. I fully agree that spiritual maturity is different for women, measured as it is against such a damaged power structure. Men, too, pay the price for this division.
I believe that, for me, spiritual maturity is about healing the damage done and letting go of the anger; by this I do not mean to say that I do not have some righteous anger and a wish to change things; I do. However, the kind of anger that cripples one and stops us from integrating our spirituality, our sacredness of physical self is what needs to be let go of. For me, part of that process is embracing my physical being and respecting it and my Self enough to say no to others who would disrespect me or only see me as one aspect of a total being. Additionally, maturity is also seeing the value in sometimes distasteful conversations because you just never know when an epiphany will occur
It is interesting to me how often lessons seem to pop into our lives on cue I have been particularly enjoying the articles and chapters on resacralizing the feminine and the female body in particular. I loved all the readings but was completely captivated by Deena Metzger’s essay in To Be a Woman. I had been pondering how tragic it is for women to have their bodies seen as something dirty, something to be hidden away, the cause of social ills. I have been outraged for years by the dichotomous messages of our culture: sex is everywhere: ads, billboards, television, and yet women who too obviously indulge (“man-like” behaviors?) in sexual behavior are still whores. It was while reading the chapters on the animus and anima and the return of the Holy Prostitute that a man, who randomly shows up like the proverbial “bad penny,” called me. Now, he and I have a less-than-normal or pleasant history, having met online…a bad idea all around…and our conversation came around to sex (this was the problem all along—no respect for me as a human being).
During this conversation, he said something that has made me think hard about many things regarding femininity, the sacredness of the body, what spiritual maturity looks like, and how much damage the patriarchy has done to men, especially in this culture. While talking about his possible partner he is struggling to define his relationship with, he made the comment that while she shared his interest in sustainable farming, there was something lacking in the relationship when it came to passion. He then made a comment that rocked me back: he said: “It’s like you need someone for the daylight hours and someone else for the nighttime.” My first thought was how tragic that he perceives intimate relationships that way. How dichotomous and torn. The more I pondered this interesting, and distasteful, conversation the more I could see that some men are still caught up in the “Madonna and Whore” syndrome. Dark and light. Good and Bad. Black and white thinking to the nth degree. The inability to see a woman as whole and full of potential lies at the root of much pain in relationships, never mind the societal implications!
While I could go on and on about the social ills caused by these kind of male power plays and the damage they do to women and most assuredly they do and have, I have been thinking about how damaged such men are. To live internally so split and torn and to see other beings as halves to be used. At a soul level, this is like a sickness to me. I fully agree that spiritual maturity is different for women, measured as it is against such a damaged power structure. Men, too, pay the price for this division.
I believe that, for me, spiritual maturity is about healing the damage done and letting go of the anger; by this I do not mean to say that I do not have some righteous anger and a wish to change things; I do. However, the kind of anger that cripples one and stops us from integrating our spirituality, our sacredness of physical self is what needs to be let go of. For me, part of that process is embracing my physical being and respecting it and my Self enough to say no to others who would disrespect me or only see me as one aspect of a total being. Additionally, maturity is also seeing the value in sometimes distasteful conversations because you just never know when an epiphany will occur
Feminist Theory/Organic Inquiry
Feminist Approach
Organic Inquiry
I have mixed-emotions and responses to both feminist theories—relational-cultural and organic inquiry. On the positive side of each is the focus on women—how they interact, think, and relate is the focus. I am always pleased by women being considered in their own psychological right rather than “just different from men,” which seems condescending and trivializing—much like the traditional patriarchal theological myth that women were created from a bit of leftover man. I also resonate with the study of women by women because I believe that shared, lived experience is ultimately more important to understanding why people, female or male, do /feel/think the things they do.
Conversely, I struggle a bit with relational-cultural theory and organic theory in that they may open the door for empiricists to pigeon-hole females more firmly into “help-mate” or secondary roles or irrational/feeling lack of scientific objectivity (which is a myth also). Of course, once one studies the methodology and research behind the theories, it is easy to see that they encompass complex subject matter. Still, it seems that focusing so heavily on the fact that women often define themselves by the way they relate to others could be misconstrued as not having an identity independent of the people surrounding them, hence the still-existing traditional (in many places, alas) gender roles.
However, scientific-method misgivings aside, at an intuitive and transpersonal level, organic inquiry makes much sense and has great value, I think. Truly, how many of us do not define ourselves through our experiences in our relationships and culture—male and female? As human beings is it even possible to do otherwise?
Power-dynamics aside, most of us are direct products of our environments until we embark on intentional, conscious journeys and begin learning new ways of “seeing.” It has been my educational experience at ITP that much of what we study is a mixture of science and organic inquiry. Perhaps all science is—I am not entirely sure, to be honest. I must say that the process of organic inquiry is appealing to me. It seems to place equal value on all experiences but uses what have been considered female attributes of heightened perception, intuitive knowing, and communication skills. I believe that all humans possess the innate ability to use these modalities but social constructs have created artificial gender divisions in skills. Of course, my biological knowledge is limited, so there may be a larger biological component to these feeling modalities than I am aware of, which of course limits my ability to reason about this subject.
Honestly, however, I must still admit that helping others through shared experience and by inviting others into our transformative process is wonderful. I use this at work as do most of my co-workers, which of course, takes us back into relational-cultural theory--relationships and culture color and inform our perspectives and sense of self.
I think that I have just realized what most created my misgivings on these two theories, scientific pigeon-holing aside: I think they are “part-and-parcel” of one another. I am unsure how the two theories can be separated. We approach most everything through a perspective largely created through our cultural expectations, limitations, and expressions/experiences and then take those experiences and analyze them, create realities, and share our visions after that process has been completed. I really do not think the theories can be separated in their end result—better understanding of people—male and female.
Organic Inquiry
I have mixed-emotions and responses to both feminist theories—relational-cultural and organic inquiry. On the positive side of each is the focus on women—how they interact, think, and relate is the focus. I am always pleased by women being considered in their own psychological right rather than “just different from men,” which seems condescending and trivializing—much like the traditional patriarchal theological myth that women were created from a bit of leftover man. I also resonate with the study of women by women because I believe that shared, lived experience is ultimately more important to understanding why people, female or male, do /feel/think the things they do.
Conversely, I struggle a bit with relational-cultural theory and organic theory in that they may open the door for empiricists to pigeon-hole females more firmly into “help-mate” or secondary roles or irrational/feeling lack of scientific objectivity (which is a myth also). Of course, once one studies the methodology and research behind the theories, it is easy to see that they encompass complex subject matter. Still, it seems that focusing so heavily on the fact that women often define themselves by the way they relate to others could be misconstrued as not having an identity independent of the people surrounding them, hence the still-existing traditional (in many places, alas) gender roles.
However, scientific-method misgivings aside, at an intuitive and transpersonal level, organic inquiry makes much sense and has great value, I think. Truly, how many of us do not define ourselves through our experiences in our relationships and culture—male and female? As human beings is it even possible to do otherwise?
Power-dynamics aside, most of us are direct products of our environments until we embark on intentional, conscious journeys and begin learning new ways of “seeing.” It has been my educational experience at ITP that much of what we study is a mixture of science and organic inquiry. Perhaps all science is—I am not entirely sure, to be honest. I must say that the process of organic inquiry is appealing to me. It seems to place equal value on all experiences but uses what have been considered female attributes of heightened perception, intuitive knowing, and communication skills. I believe that all humans possess the innate ability to use these modalities but social constructs have created artificial gender divisions in skills. Of course, my biological knowledge is limited, so there may be a larger biological component to these feeling modalities than I am aware of, which of course limits my ability to reason about this subject.
Honestly, however, I must still admit that helping others through shared experience and by inviting others into our transformative process is wonderful. I use this at work as do most of my co-workers, which of course, takes us back into relational-cultural theory--relationships and culture color and inform our perspectives and sense of self.
I think that I have just realized what most created my misgivings on these two theories, scientific pigeon-holing aside: I think they are “part-and-parcel” of one another. I am unsure how the two theories can be separated. We approach most everything through a perspective largely created through our cultural expectations, limitations, and expressions/experiences and then take those experiences and analyze them, create realities, and share our visions after that process has been completed. I really do not think the theories can be separated in their end result—better understanding of people—male and female.
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