More Soulful Listening

Soul Listening#2

The setting for my sharing: I shared my dream after a fire ceremony that my friend, Sarah, and I held at the time my anxiety and stress levels were out of control. We burned many negative ideas, feelings, and situations and buried the ashes to be recycled by the earth. We then burned wishes, hopes, and dreams on beautiful paper and sent it skyward to the Sacred to manage. I had had the dream/vision more than once and felt that this was the best and most appropriate setting for sharing.

My dream/vision: I saw myself in an old house that I owned ending two days of silence. It was so peaceful and serene, and I have cats and a dog. I am cooking a healthy, organic meal because there is a potluck later in the day in my small backyard. The sun is warm and pleasant on my skin as I move about setting the table and cooking; there is a slight breeze blowing through the poplar trees around my house. I am watering plants and tidying up in preparation for my local friend’s arrival for dinner in the evening. My house is older and a pale yellow—a color I do not like but that is what manifested more than once. It is small and in a state of slow renovation. I have added a room off the back that has a hard floor with some work out gear and yoga mats. I love this room because I have a statue of the Buddha and Kuan Yin and a small fountain, and the windows open to a view of Zion’s National Park. There are double doors in this room that open out to the small patio area that I have covered with a small tent for that purpose. I am just cooking and have just added some meditative music when an old friend drives up—unannounced. I have not seen him in a long time and I am happy to see him even though in “real-time” I have “let him go” because his behaviors are so spiritually bankrupt. However, in the dream, I am aware that he needs somewhere to heal, and I welcome him and his dog to my tranquil setting and tell him he can stay as long as he needs and then I wake. (I have had this dream more than once.)
My Friend’s Soulful Listening: While I was telling my dream, my friend, Sarah, leaned forward with her chin on her hand and just listened intently. She seemed to be just as excited about my dream as I was. She made comments such as “how cool!” and “wow” so I felt completely heard. She did not analyze or interrupt while I was talking. She is a great listener.
My observations: My friend is an excellent listener who makes you feel safe while sharing. She makes no qualitative assessments and waited until I was finished before giving me feedback. We discussed the implications of the dream, and my friend suggested that perhaps this is something I am working unconsciously on manifesting for myself—much like my job. These were all wonderful assists for attentive listening. There were no things that inhibited my sharing.
Sarah’s Dream: She is in a palace, very ornate. The floor is black marble with inlaid red and pink designs like you see on Chinese embroidered shoes. There are many stair cases and corridors. The palace is very large, and she knows that she is not supposed to be there. This is a palace only for men but for some reason, she is there and depending on a group of men to get her out. She also knows they want to rape her but do not. While these men do not have her interests at heart, she also knows that they are safer than the groups of other men they are passing. They stare at her as if they hate her, and she knows that she should not be there. The men are leading her down twisting and turning corridors and she knows that they are leading her in circles. She is following the same men and then she wakes up.
My reaction: While I was listening to my friend recount her dream, I wanted to interrupt and interpret. I was intrigued by the details and the visual images that were coming up in my mind. I sometimes got so caught up in my imaginings that I would find that I had “checked out” for a bit. I did not interrupt however, partly because I was interested and partly because it was rude to interrupt her train of thought. While I found that my own thought process and imagination still got in the way of truly efficient soulful listening, I also realized that it was easier to suspend the desire to “figure it out” for her or fix things than it was with my child. Perhaps our socialization and instilled manners help us to listen better with other adults. However, I have found that there are some people who simply cannot listen without trying to “fix” the speaker in some way. One of the best ways to assisting in deepening attentive listening is to become deliberately aware of what you are doing—bring your conscious decision to the listening. One of the most problematic issues around attentive listening and sharing is getting caught up in our own thought processes, for me, at any rate.