Self-Cultivation/Ethical Life Maps

Psychology of Self Cultivation
Ethical Life Maps and Threads

The study of self-cultivation is the unraveling of oneself—learning about our unconsciousness, our mental blinders, assumptions, and our beauty and glory as well. When some of us begin this journey to wholeness, there are some of us who have no idea who we really are. We have the surface masks and ego personas that we know well and often we believe that is are all we are. As the study of Self deepens, the mystery of who we truly are begins to clear as the veils of surface deceptions begin to fall away.
For me, this journey has been one of extremes at time. As I said earlier, in pursuit of my cultivation of Self and unraveling the mystery that is me, I tended to swing from one extreme to another—rarely resting in the middle-way for long. With the work being done in the study of the psychology of self cultivation, I began to desire more harmony in my being and in my life. Continuously cultivating oneself--becoming close to the Tao--is something that I have been working on because the lies we tell ourselves take us away from the flow of the universal energies. I like very much the idea of constant studying and working toward the development of and cultivation of our most essential divine selves in order to manifest it outward into the world as service to others and modeling congruent behaviors for those around us.
While these ideas are good and worthy ones, there must be some sort of plan in place to achieve development, cultivation of Self and congruent behavior. I was asked what this would look like and how it would affect my everyday life, and it has taken some time, a great deal of inner-work, and much reflection to get a clearer picture what this means for me, in terms of action. It is the culmination of the reflection upon this question which has helped me define my own psychology of self-cultivation and given me a basic map of how to manifest it outwardly into my day-to-day life and professional world.
Upon reflection, a thread of continuity has become apparent. The thread truly impacted my awareness with the final readings in Roger Walsh’s book, Essential Spirituality (1999) regarding ethical living. It was with chapters 15-18 that I began to understand my own version of authenticity and my plan of action to achieve self-cultivation and congruency. Reading these chapters helped me understand why particular books and readings resonated so strongly and prompted the understanding I have had. Living in ways that embody and reflect honesty, integrity, and balance are some of my vehicles for following the thread to my most authentically healthy Self. Becoming, more consistently, my truest and best self will benefit myself and thus others who I have interaction with.
With the realization of how I can best manifest my most beneficial and authentic self outwardly to the world by practicing ethical living, it is necessary to return to the beginning of the self-cultivation journey. I now understand why Confucius’ Great Wisdom and Genuine Living principles so struck a chord and resonated so strongly within me. Confucius gives us clear, concise guidelines for ethical behavior in myriad situations—everything from dealing with one’s family to proper business and governmental management. The Nine Practical Principles (Bahm, 1969, p. 98) are some of the most thoughtful and reasonable principles for governing oneself and others I have been exposed to. The clarity of the principles appeals to my practicality as well.
While Confucius seemed primarily concerned with the governing of countries on the surface, there is the underlying imperative of self-development of genuineness. It is this thread that most resonated with me. Without cultivating genuineness, all our actions will stem from shallow and most likely self-serving motivations. Confucius says in chapter 24:
“Genuineness is self-sufficient. And its nature is self-directing. Genuineness pervades being from beginning to end. Without genuineness, nothing could be done. This is Why the wise man values becoming genuine above everything else. The person who tries to be genuine not only promotes [his own] self-realization. He also promotes the self-realization of others” (Bahm, 1969, p. 109)”.
While much of the book resonated for me, it was this chapter that stayed with me and began the process of building my map to shedding some of the masks and veils covering my authentic Self. I began pondering what genuineness actually is, what that looks like for me. I toyed with the idea that I must become serious and heavy in my spiritual quest to self-cultivation. Perhaps my irreverence and light-heartedness kept me from becoming genuine…yet, while that thought process felt inherently wrong, I gave heavy-handed seriousness a try. This was another of the pendulum swings to an extreme in my process, one which made me rather unhappy.
I also contemplated the idea that I must become formal and austere in order to achieve the gravity and dignity to develop the wisdom and genuineness Confucius seemed to promote. This, too, felt inauthentic to me. As Kubler-Ross says, “Many times the pendulum has to swing all the way to the other side (you become a grump) before it can come back to the middle point where you discover who you really are […]” (Ross & Kessler, 2000, p.29).
It was upon reading Life Lessons (2000) by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler that I began re-thinking what genuineness can look like for me. Their version of “authenticity” seemed truer to my own sense of being. Kubler-Ross and Kessler are neither austere nor heavy-handed; they are realistic and earthy in their version of authenticity. I made the connection that in order to be genuine and ethical we must first know who we are. This sounds so simple and yet can be one of the hardest and longest (a life-time endeavor) journeys I am finding. A large part of my journey to authenticity has come through many lessons, many of which I equated to having a house dropped on me! In times past, I was unable to see the benefits in these “life lessons;” however, with time I have come to see them as growth gifts. Kubler-Ross (2000) validates this learning when she says, “Life hands us lessons, universal truths teaching us the basics about love, fear, time, power, loss, happiness, relationships, and authenticity” (p. 25). Yet, another part of the one thread of ethical behavior that was becoming clear to me.
The teachings in this particular book touched me so deeply that I have re-read many parts of it; I am finding it to be one of my best maps. I began, with the study of this book, to have a greater awareness of who I am—the first step in authenticity, I believe. Additionally, I realized that I did not need to be heavy, austere, nor overly-serious all the time in order to be ethical or genuine. This realization nudged me closer to the middle-way.
The thread manifested itself again in chapter four of The Cherokee Full Circle (2002) by J.T. Garrett and Michael Tlanusta Garrett. Each of the thirteen assumptions could be seen as steps in knowing oneself. Each assumption was useful and meaningful to me; I thought about them a great deal. While this book did not truly resonate deeply for me, the assumptions helped clarify my journey further.
While each book was useful to me in my journey, it was not until I re-read Roger Walsh’s book, Essential Spirituality that the threads truly began to weave into a more complete tapestry. I resonated with the practicality of the exercises and tried many of them—each helpful to finding my center. However, upon reading chapters 15-18, I had a vision of what embodying the psychology of Self-Cultivation means for me. My post on ethical living truly explains the realization I had during this last week of study of Self-Cultivation, and I would like to include it here:
The question asked in chapter 15, "Why should we bother" (Walsh 1999, p.118) regarding living ethically is an interesting one given our cultural climate, generally speaking. Everywhere we turn--television, magazines, news--exploitation is obvious and rampant. Winning at any cost is touted as a virtue. Given all of the media's insistent and incessant messages, how do we choose an ethical life? More importantly, how do we even know what that is or looks like? How do we go about finding out? I suspect that for many of us a life-changing event is often the impetus for beginning the search for that ethical life that can "heal our minds" (Walsh 1999, p.121) and likely our hearts. As the book points out, the great religious traditions give us clear guidelines. Certainly, some of the rules are dogmatic and ritualistic; however, as one studies, learns, and grows, it seems easier to step away from blindly "following the rules" or to simply avoid feeling guilt or shame to embodying the essence of the great teachings and allowing that essence to permeate our beings and so manifest outwardly in most of what we do, say, and "show up" as. With that said, it must also be stated that this can be a difficult undertaking even when committed to change.
Difficult or not, the journey to embodying ethical thoughts, behaviors, and actions are well worth the work. As the chapter points out, when we behave ethically, we benefit not only others but ourselves. More importantly: "Ethical living is absolutely crucial for advanced spiritual work, and without it, progress is difficult" (Walsh 1999, p.121). This is where living in the Tao is made manifest, I think. When we are living in a virtuous manner, we are more firmly following the middle-way and living in the stream. Living in this way teaches by example, I believe. As we continue to grow spiritually and live in ethical ways, our healthy and positive energy ripples outward to touch untold people. For this reason alone, fostering virtuous traits and acting ethically can improve the world-at-large…in ways we may never even imagine.
Certainly, it may be redundant to include this posting again, but I cannot explain it any more eloquently at this later date. It was written at the moment that I felt many parts of my life, indeed, the threads coming together and is my psychology:
For me, living an ethical life, with joy and lighthearted effort, is truly my most authentic map to Self-Cultivation. As I continue to learn more about how that manifests for me, I feel hopeful that refining what the middle-way looks like for me will become more firmly part of “who I am” and not what I am simply “doing.” Accepting, with increasing equanimity and gratitude, the lessons that the universal source presents me with is another component of staying in the stream, living in the Tao. Treating all others, both those who treat me well and those who do not, with dignity and respect are important aspects of my continuing effort to my most authentic, genuine ethical life. Most importantly, continuing to learn about and love my own Self is a true map: how else can we love and accept others if we do not extend the courtesy to ourselves?
Of course, there needs to be practical steps to these components. I am discovering that I am greatly drawn to much of the Buddhist psychologies and methods for discovering one’s Self. I will continue to learn and practice many of the meditations. I am currently studying the basic tenets of living an ethical life that harms no one or nothing (the best I can at present). But with all of this Self-Cultivation work, I plan to stay cognizant of the acceptability of having fun with this process—something I have often forgotten in the past. If I give myself permission to make this work “play,” imagine where it might take me…..?


References
Bahm, A. J. (1969). The heart of Confucius. New York: Harper & Row.
Garrett, J. T., & Garrett, M. T., (2002). The Cherokee full circle: a practical guide to ceremonies and
traditions. Rochester VT: Bear and Company.
Kubler-Ross, E. & Kessler, D. (2000). Life lessons: two experts on death and dying teach us about the
mysteries of life and living. New York: Scribner.
Walsh, R. (1999). Essential spirituality: exercises from the world’s religions to cultivate kindness, love,
Joy, peace, vision, wisdom, and generosity. New York: Wiley & Sons, Inc.