Conscious Aging

Intentional Aging

I watched this video before even starting the reading and was initially impressed with Ram Dass’ ability to see humor in his resulting disability from the stroke. I was struck then and again today as I watched it by his honesty: while the stroke was happening he did not go to a spiritual place. He acknowledged he has work yet to be done. I think what touched me most was the acceptance he displayed. I think that this is an important part of conscious aging: acceptance of the changes of the body. More importantly, he also models transcendence by continuing to learn and grow spiritually during the stroke and its aftermath. This is a quality that I would like to model for others as I too become older. It would have been just as easy for him to “buy “into other’s view of him as “Poor Ram Dass.” He, in his honesty, says he did at the beginning. He could have stayed there in that mind-set and become a bitter old man, but he did not: he transcended the common view to see the beauty and potential for further spiritual growth. Indeed, he models a gracious, courageous map for many people to follow as they too age.

There is such fear of aging in our society. It often appears to be a “stopping point” for those who are younger. By this, I mean that our society portrays the elderly as no longer viable or capable of teaching us anything of value; this perception of aging is so detrimental to our culture at large, I believe.

For myself, this gave me some hope that I too will learn to accept my shortcomings, both spiritually and physically, now and as I get older. I would like to incorporate more joy in my life’s journey as I age, look upon it as an adventure rather than something to dread. Of course, I also realize that it may be difficult to keep my equanimity and stay in a growing state when the processes of aging become more apparent. It is relatively simple right now to say that I will model this and that and so on without actually having had any experiences to test me. I can only start now to learn and grow and plant the thoughts of what I want the aging experience to look like as I continue the journey on my path.

Watching this movie a second time brought home to me the concept that perception really is “all.” How I decide to view my aging will affect how it feels to me and what it looks like to others. While I have long understood the concept of perception intellectually, it becomes more real when faced with incapacitation and our mortality. It takes great understanding and love of self to just “be okay” with yourself wherever you are; Ram Dass does this magnificently; truly, it is hard to “feel sorry” for him in the pitying sense because he faces his trials with humor and a mind open to learning from his experience. Will I be able to rise up to the challenge of using my experiences during the aging process to continue my journey to inner wholeness? I do not truly know; I hope so. I can only say that I give much thought to perception and decisions about how I view such things lately.

It was difficult in some ways to see the young Ram Dass and then the elderly, physically incapacitated incarnation of this consciousness-changing teacher. Noticing the sadness I felt while observing this change, which of course is inevitable, I realized how much time so many of us—myself for certain—waste on the trivial details and miss the underlying richness of possibility that exists in this time, this moment. I am reading his book, Be Here Now, and this is one aspect of not only aging but life at every stage that many of us miss—every moment can be, as Ram Dass says at the ending of the movie, “alright.”

The idea of being here now, whenever/wherever that is and being “alright” with it, made me wonder how many opportunities for learning, joy, and understanding we miss at every stage of the journey. It seems that so many of us spend a great deal of our time thinking about our pasts or futures as if there is a way to “fix” things in either place/time. We get distracted from what is happening right now, this moment. It is as if we believe there is some ultimate place or culminating experience which will answer all the questions we have and we need only somehow “arrive” there to be “done.”

I am beginning to see that all stages of the journey are what we make of them. That is what conscious aging means to me—learning to be aware and awake as much as possible. Does that statement mean that I am welcoming disability or seeing it as “noble suffering?” No, that is not what conscious aging looks like for me. What I learned from this video was that I have a choice in how I view my maturity. I am a middle-aged, average-looking woman—that is not particularly comfortable in this culture. I can learn to accept that my face and body are changing in ways that do not conform to the cultural values and embrace the changes, or I can be angry about them. I suspect that I will be somewhat like a pendulum—back and forth between acceptance and dismay—for some time yet but that too is a learning experience. I am endeavoring to see the vacillations as such, not always easy I admit.

The changes in physicality are really only the outward, obvious changes and ought to be so superficial as to not matter, ideally. However, to many in our culture, the inner-changes and growth do not matter. Again, this video brought home to me that importance of becoming ageless and beautiful in spirit. I felt that Ram Dass’ ability to use his stroke as a “new method” for growth came from his inner-light and understanding.

My “monkey mind” chatter starts up when thinking about such inner-growth and ability to transcend difficulties: of course Ram Dass can do it; he has spent most of his life in a conscious spiritual state—how can I ever hope to be able to do the same with my rather limited growth and understanding? The answer is: I will do the best that I can. I can continue to study, learn, and grow. I can model embracing and enjoying each stage; and after all, there are wonderful maps to follow. And just get on with it.